While I'm Waiting

Round and Round

2012-02-06T12:33:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I feel like I'm on a Merry-Go-Round, doing nothing but going in circles, always seeing the same places over and over again, but never really making any progress. I REALLY feel that way when it comes to my weight. I've struggled with weight since I was a kid, and at some point I just kind of gave up. Ok, not kind of. I did. I lost all hope that I COULD lose weight, and absolutely lost every shred of confidence that I could keep it off even if I did lose it.

I started counting calories again last week. It's ok to roll your eyes at me. I do the same thing. I did really, really well last week and was very proud of myself. I messed up a couple of times when we went out. Thursday we went to Logan's and I got a grilled chicken salad (which has more calories than a steak, baked potato, and side salad combined), and I admit, I may have eaten too many rolls. Friday night I went out with a girlfriend to Cheddar's. Not pretty. And last night...well, let's not talk about last night. However, in the big scheme of things 3 meals out of an entire week is a LOT better than the weeks before that. I had maybe 2 diet cokes and 1 glass of sweet tea ALL WEEK. So instead of beating myself up for the boo-boo's, I'll just smile at the wins :)

There are 2 people who have really inspired me lately to lose weight. One of them is this guy:

If you don't know him, that's Shaycarl, and his family. On Youtube they are the Shaytards and I LOVE them! I can't even tell you how much I love them! Anyway, Shay recently lost over 100 pounds and he has documented it all on their family's daily vlogs, and it has been so neat to watch! He is proof that even if you mess up, if you pick it back up and keep going, you will get there. If you haven't seen them, check out their videos. Again I say, I LOVE them!

The other is a dear, precious friend of mine who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. This woman took very good care of herself, yet she couldn't escape it. And now she is fighting to survive this awful disease. So, this Fall I want to start a team to walk in the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure in her honor. I would love to be able to run it, even though that's not really my focus. I've just simply realized that she is fighting for her health and would give ANYTHING to have it, but I am being irresponsible by taking for granted the body that I have. So, it's time to change that! When I do that 5K this fall, I want to be a different person!

Holiday Weekends

2012-01-17T09:53:00.004-06:00

I love holiday weekends. That one extra day makes such an enormous difference. I'm able to get so much more done and still feel somewhat human when I return to work (even though I'd rather not have to return to work...we can always use "one more day"). This weekend was...somewhat productive. I didn't finish all I wanted to, but I did get some cleaning done, cooked a lot, completed an awesome pinterest project, reorganized our bedroom closet (well, cleaned it up), and worked on a special project. That one's a secret though ;)

Here's the Pinterest project I made:

It's 2 16x20 canvases (on sale at Hobby Lobby for $7.99 for the 2 pack), photos that I had printed in black and white, cut down to 4x4's, and mod podge. I swear mod podge is the best invention. Ever. I just might be making some of these for Christmas gifts this year. I think my goal for this Christmas is to make most of the Christmas gifts. Frugal Christmas! I know, it's early...but that's a lot of gifts to make!

One of my goals this year is for spiritual growth. I admit, I have never been good at reading the Bible every day....I'm not even good at praying regularly. I know, that is terrible. But, I want to work on that. I bought a women's devotional this weekend, and I already love it. It only takes about 5 minutes, so I don't feel overwhelmed trying to find an hour a day for it. But it gives me a little boost. I'm also keeping a journal about my spiritual journey.

Have a Happy Tuesday!

The Self Pity Monster

2012-01-11T09:18:00.002-06:00

So, here's the truth about adoption. It isn't always pretty. Sometimes it downright sucks. I know that the entire picture of adoption is a beautiful one...one full of grace, love, and mercy. But along the road, there are bumps and potholes, and sometimes you just want to put it in park and break down. This is one of those times.

The longer we wait, the harder the waiting gets. And most of the time, I feel completely and utterly alone. In my mind, not one soul on the face of the earth understands how I feel. I know, that's stretching it...there are plenty of people who have gone down this road before me, and they DO know. But at the same time, those people are no longer waiting...they are at home with their beautiful babies, and they now know the feeling that I want to know so badly; the feeling of completion, of seeing this journey come full circle. Most of the time I feel like I have been left behind, as if we are the only ones left waiting. And then I start questioning myself. I find myself looking through our profile and asking myself "if I were a bmom, what would I think? What is it about us that's wrong? Have I given off a poor image or said something that comes across incorrectly that is making these mothers push us aside?"

Then I remember that the agency warned us of this, and that it's completely normal to wonder those things, but that we must remember that when the right mom sees our profile, God will draw her to us. It still doesn't make me feel any better, but I keep reminding myself anway.

There are days, such as today, when I just want to crawl back into my bed and pull the covers over my head and drift between sleeping and crying. Wow. That really sounds pathetic reading that backwards. But, I believe it's important for me to be completely honest, so that anyone reading this who is going through it will know they aren't alone.

Truth is, there are days when I get really angry with God (and I'm thankful that he forgives me for that). Sometimes I feel like he's just withholding it from me for kicks. Again, I know this isn't the truth, but in my moment of sadness and frustration, the thought comes across.

I think the worst part about this is, if you know me at all, you know I am 100% a type A personality. Waiting is NOT one of my strengths, and this situation is completely out of my control. I have no influence whatsoever over when or how this happens, or how it will play out. We are at the mercy of some poor woman who is faced with the hardest decision of her life. Which brings me to another sad subject: guilt. When I start feeling so sad and just want so badly to be chosen, I feel guilty because we are, in a way, hoping that a woman will be put in such a dire, sad circumstance, and that she will sacrifice everything and hand her baby to us. What kind of person am I for wanting anyone to go through that?

Well, how's that for a pick-me-up?

Goals for 2012

2012-01-09T16:14:00.002-06:00

And because I am a Type A Personality, I'm going to do this in list format (in no particular order):

1. Lose 50 lbs. Slow and steady, with small changes. Not focusing on the number, but simply making changes that make me feel good about me.

2. Organize my house! I want to take one area at a time...whether it be a closet, drawer, or space, and re-organize it, ending the year with an organized home!

3. Complete the baby's room.

4. Dig into my Bible more. I desperately need growth in that area.

5. Keep up with my personal journal.

Worst Blogger Award!

2012-01-09T14:53:00.004-06:00

I think I deserve the Worst Blogger Award! :(

Maybe that should be one of my goals for this year- to get back into the blogging world. Anywho, here's what's been going on recently.

Christmas was alright. "Santa" was very good to us this year, and we are appreciative. I feel like a grinch for saying it, but I was glad to see it go. Christmas just isn't as fun as it used to be. I'm hoping that fun will return when we have little ones to live vicariously through.

Brandon and I had a week off of work (well, I had 11 days) together, and it was fabulous. We ripped all of the carpet out of our livingroom/entryway/hallway. We had the intention of laying laminate flooring- ourselves. We very QUICKLY learned that laying laminate is nowhere near as easy as everyone makes it sound! Long story short, we ended up having to call a contractor to install them. But, in the end, I am glad we did. He did a beautiful job! We are hoping and praying this will end Katy's little peeing problem.

Yes, I realize the cat likes to sit on the coffee table. Sheesh.

Let's see....OH! My mom finally decided to get a dog! We've been after her for a couple of years to get a pet. They haven't had any pets since our 16-year-old dog, Brandy, had to be put down 7 years ago. Since mom and Dad are both retired now, they needed a companion. So while on Christmas vacation, my sis and I went with mom to the humane society to adopt a dog. Meet Maggie! She is a 3 year old Beagle mix who was found pregnant on the side of the road. Someone had apparently found out she was pregnant and just dumped her. She is an extremely loving dog and LOVES to play. She gets really excited, but she is so sweet! We adore her :-)

On a sad note, my Aunt Jeannie lost her battle with colon cancer just before Christmas. It was such a difficult time, and surely didn't help with my holiday sadness, but I know she is much happier and healthier now. We sure miss her though.

Adoption wise, no news to share. Still no word whatsoever from the agency, and I get really frustrated about it sometimes. It seems as though they could care less about us, only about our money. I hope that isn't the case, but it definitely doesn't make me want to consider this agency for future adoptions. We are praying diligently that 2012 is our year!

A Quick Update

2011-10-05T15:18:00.002-05:00

Life has been pretty fast paced lately, but I'll take it! I have been staying super busy between work and my church duties. I'm teaching 2-year-olds on both Wednesday nights as well as Sunday mornings now. I love it, but boy is it keeping me busy! I put in several hours a week preparing crafts and activities. But I love every bit of it! I'm so glad God is using me to teach tiny minds about His love for them. My kids are able to tell their parents what they are learning, which makes my heart smile! :)

Brandon and I have been getting over the Fall crud. We caught it in Gatlinburg, and everyone I know has had it I think. Yuck! Luckily I think we are on the mend!

We've been so blessed lately in so many aspects. We've had the priveledge of getting to know some new friends, who we have thoroughly enjoyed spending time with. It is so wonderful to have friends that we can just hang out and watch a movie or play a game with. They have been true blessings to us! I think God knew how badly I needed that.

We are really looking forward to the next couple of weeks. This weekend, we are heading to the Haunted Woods in Hendersonville with the aforementioned friends. I can't tell you how excited I am! We haven't been to a haunted house in a couple of years, but we love them! Halloween is one of our favorite holidays! Our friends were also able to get us all a really great deal on Predators tickets for next week's game! Brandon and I have never been to a Predators game, so we are super excited about that!

I am loving every moment of Fall this year, but I am already dreading the holidays. I can't believe the "Holidays" will start in just over a month :( I am NOT ready for it! I am dreading the stress of trying to fit everyone in around our schedules, and I'm dreading Christmas, as usual. I try to keep focused on the true meaning of Christmas, but it's just plain depressing. Yet another Christmas with no little ones to shop for. It is incredibly difficult to just have to walk right past the toy section, something most parents take for granted.

I've also been busy on some crafts. I've started making my Christmas cards and some other crafts. I'll make a post about them later.

5

2011-09-28T09:33:00.004-05:00

I've written this post about 5 times now, and every time I save it with the intentions of adding pictures, but I just haven't gotten around to it! So here's the pictureless post. I'll do a photo post later!

Has it really been 5 years since we got married? It can't be! Where has the time gone? I remember my wedding day like it were yesterday. And it truly was the best day of my life.

We enjoyed a wonderful 4 days in Gatlinburg to celebrate. Pictures to follow. We drove up early Friday morning and eventually found our cabin, but not before detouring ALL THE WAY up the mountain and turning around in some dude's driveway. Thanks, Dude. It was a cute little cabin, completely secluded and right in the middle of the woods. So relaxing! We went down to the strip and walked for a while Friday afternoon, stopped for lunch at a little Pizzeria, and then went to the grocery store before heading back to the cabin to relax in the hot tub on the deck.

Saturday, we got up and had a cup of coffee on the porch, fixed some bacon and biscuits for breakfast, and headed out. We drove up to Cade's Cove and spent a good part of the day touring it. On our way back, we had lunch and then did some more shopping in Gatlinburg. That evening, we went into Pigeon Forge and had dinner at Bennett's BBQ...so yummy! Then we went to the Titanic museum. That was so awesome! Definitely worth the money!

Sunday, Brandon was coming down with a cold, so we spent the day at the cabin. The weather was amazingly perfect- low 70's. He drove down the mountain and picked up some sandwiches from Subway for lunch and brought them back. We set up a table on the deck and had a cute little lunch and then played a pathetic game of Scrabble. (I swear...we are NOT 80!) Later that evening, we got all gussied up and went to dinner at The Alamo Steakhouse, which was really good, but not worth the price. I'd recommend the Chop House over it any day. Then we, yet again, walked around downtown. I was on a hunt for Pixie Stix for one of my best friends, which I did not find. All those candy shops and not one Pixie Stick! BUT, we did find Candy Cigarettes...and bought 10 boxes.

That night we sat out on the deck til after midnight. It was perfectly clear, and I think you could see every star God created! We had some really good conversation, as well. I definitely cherish those :)

Overall, with the exception of Brandon getting sick and sharing it with me, it was an excellent weekend. I cannot believe it's been 5 years! I can't wait to see what the next 5 years hold!

Homemade Glitter Christmas Ornaments

2011-09-18T07:37:00.011-05:00

I know most of us don't want to admit it, but Christmas is only a few months away! Wow! So, I'm getting started on some Christmas projects, and I just thought I'd share some of them with you. This one is a SUPER easy way to make handmade ornaments.

What you need:
Plastic or paper towels to protect your work surface
A plastic cup with a mouth narrow enough so the ornament can sit on top
Glass or clear plastic Christmas ornaments
Glitter It! glue
Extra fine glitter (don't go for the cheap stuff here...extra fine or polyester glitter is the way to go)
Water/vinegar mix
Piece of paper to catch extra glitter
1. Remove the cap of the ornament and wash out the inside with the vinegar/water mix. Rinse well and allow it to dry.

2. Pour a decent amount of Glitter It! glue into the ornament (don't worry- you are going to reuse the extra, so don't fret about wasting it).

3. Rotate the ornament in circles, coating the entire inside with glue, tilting it more with each rotation, working your way to the neck of the ball. Be sure to coat the neck. Pour the excess into a cup (I didn't have a plastic cup, but I suggest one). 4. Set the ornament upside-down on the top of the cup and allow all of the excess glue to drain. I drained mine for about a minute. This glue is not fast drying, so don't worry about that.

5. Pour a generous amount of glitter into the ornament. Again, you're going to capture the excess on a piece of paper so don't worry about wasting.

6. Rotate the ornament just like you did with the glue, being sure to coat the entire inside with glitter. Add more glitter if needed. Let the excess glitter fall out onto the paper.

You now have a pretty, homemade Christmas ornament! I was really pleased with how these turned out, and they were so easy. There is so much more you can do with them, and I plan on playing around with some ideas. I'll post what I come up with. I definitely want to try cutting out letters with vinyl on my Cricut and personalizing them. This would make a perfect gift for my coworkers. It's cheap, easy, and fast.

Glitter It is supposed to be used with glass ornaments, but I also tried plastic and it worked just as well.

Happy Crafting!

Safe Haven

2011-09-16T09:22:00.002-05:00

With all of the news stories that make my blood boil about mothers who abandon or murder their unwanted newborns, I'm sure we've all asked the question "WHY?" I know I have. The most recent story is that of 25-year old Lindsey Lowe, who hid her pregnancy, gave birth to twin boys on the toilet, held their mouths and noses until they were dead, and then threw them in a laundry basket and covered them with a towel.

I don't think we will ever understand what was going through her mind when she committed the horrific act. But I do think women need to be better educated on their options. Not only the option of giving them up for adoption, but even the option of Tennessee's Safe Haven law.

Every state has a Safe Haven law. If you haven't heard about it, it's a law that makes hospitals, police, and fire stations a safe place to leave your newborn baby that is up to 72 hours old. You can literally walk in, hand over the infant, and walk out. No paperwork. No signatures. No questions asked.

It's not the ideal situation, because then the baby literally becomes a "John Doe" and no one will ever know his or her medical history. But, it is a MUCH better option than the alternate.

I looked up a few web pages on the Safe Haven law, and I thought I'd share them with you. Feel free to share them on your blogs or wherever. Women need to know about this. Maybe more children will have a chance at life.

http://www.safeplacefornewborns.org/

http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/safehaven.cfm

http://www.safehaven.tv/states/tennessee/

The mothers may not want these babies. But someone out there does.

Another Year

2011-09-14T09:13:00.002-05:00

Well, we have officially been on the waiting list for one year today, and our update is complete for another year. I'm so glad it's over with! I never expected the update to be so mentally and emotionally draining. It was almost as stressful as the initial process. But, next year we'll have a better idea of what the update itself entails (IF they don't change the process again like they did this time!). Our agency has had several staff changes, including our social worker. I am really happy with that change. Our first social worker was nice, but she never had much time for us, we always felt rushed, and we always felt like she was judging us, or like we were inferior. Our new social worker didn't make us feel that way at all! Today was our first time meeting her, and she was super nice.

She took a very brief tour of the house (much less detailed than last time) and then we talked for about an hour. We went over our service plan and made sure nothing had changed, which it hasn't. We even had an opportunity to voice some things we were unhappy with about the agency. She assured us that she would try to keep in contact with us (last year, once we were approved, we didn't hear one word from our agency unless we contacted them). She said they are actually supposed to contact the families once every three months and check in. I told her that we just wanted to know from time to time whether anyone has seen our profiles or not. I certainly don't want her to call me every time someone is looking at us, because that would be disheartening, but our biggest question over the last year was, "has anyone even seen our profile?" So, she is going to try and make that contact with us this year.

Over the last year, we also often questioned where we sat in the stack of profiles. Meaning, were we one of thousands of waiting families? How many families were there? We learned that our agency currently has 46 profiles, including those in Kentucky. That makes me feel better. It's good to know that we're not in a library of profiles just collecting dust. It helps to know the statistics, because now we have a better understanding of what our odds are.

In some ways, I can't believe it's already been a year. In others, it seems like this next year will never pass. I'm dreading Christmas because, once again, we will (more than likely) be without a baby. That's been the hardest part of the holidays for me for the last 4 years. But, we are hoping and praying that this will be the year.

The Waiting Game

2011-08-30T15:23:00.002-05:00

I dropped off our completed packet of paperwork for our annual update today. Now, we wait for our social worker to contact us to set up a time for the home visit (side note: it seems ridiculous to me that we have to do that EVERY YEAR). It seems like all we do is wait. Wait for the baby. Wait for this or that to come back. Wait for so-and-so to complete paperwork for us. Wait on the agency to do their part. Wait for the baby. Anyone who knows me, knows I am NOT good at waiting. But, that's just the game. Hurry up and wait.

This weekend, I'm excited to have a 3 day weekend! Of course, I'm always excited when I get a 3 day weekend. I'm going to start on the wall border for the baby's room. I've already taped it off. I'm hand painting it. Don't get excited...I am NOT an artist (I can't even draw an even stick figure without one arm being longer than the other). It's going to mimic one of the patterns on the crib bumper. I'll show pics when it's done. It'll take a while. Lots and lots of little bitty dots.

I got the changing table painted last weekend. It looks much better! Now we just need a crib and a dresser :-)

Starstruck

2011-08-11T08:18:00.003-05:00

I am definitely one of those people that fumbles whenever I see someone famous. This morning, I got to do the coolest thing, and I'm still starstruck so I thought I'd share ;)

Steven Curtis Chapman was a guest on 94.1 The Fish this morning. If you don't know, Steven is this guy:

He's an amazing Christian Music artist whose been around for ages. If you don't listen to Christian music, you'll probably remember him as the one whose 5-year-old chinese adopted daughter, Maria, was tragically killed in the family's driveway a few years ago when their teenage son was backing out of the driveway. Horrible story!

Anyway, he is also the person who started Show Hope, the organization that has given us the $5,000 grant for our adoption. Well, when I heard him this morning on the radio, I called in and got the priviledge to thank him personally for starting Show Hope, and for making our adoption possible. I have to say, he was the nicest person! And, yes, I did cry....oops!

Ok, so this probably isn't a big deal to most people, but like I said, I get starstruck very easily! :)

2011-08-01T17:53:00.002-05:00

For this post, words aren't necessary. Just watch these 2 videos:

This one

and

This one

God's Calling

2011-07-25T14:33:00.002-05:00

This is long, so bear with me....

Are you one of those people who know beyond the shadow of a doubt what God has called you to do? Or are you one of those people who have always wondered, but you go back and forth and have never felt that affirmation? For me, I'm the first.

From the time I was little bitty, like three, I've known I was supposed to work with kids. Of course I had the natural maternal, nurturing trait, but I knew I wanted to grow up to be a teacher. I remember walking around with a baby doll on my hip at all times, strapping them in the seatbelt in the car, making my mom babysit while I was at school, and putting them to sleep in their "crib" (aka a box with a blanket in it). But, I also remember taking stacks of old forms from mom's work and putting them neatly organized in folders and notebooks. I would sit all my dolls and stuffed animals on the couch or in the floor and play school. I made assignments. I stood at the front of the room, taped a piece of paper on the wall, and wrote "lessons." I even remember putting my dolls in timeout! So, I've never struggled to understand God's will for me in that aspect.

However, I'm still figuring out what that will looks like. I'm 27, and I work full time in an office shuffling paper. I never finished college, and I could BEAT myself for it now. It haunts me daily, because now, I can't afford to finish. I take 1 class at a time, hoping to finish someday. But, lately, God has been speaking volumes to me. See, I always assumed that because I felt called to teach, that I had to go through college and teach in a daycare or public school setting. I felt that if I wasn't teaching as a career, I wasn't fulfilling His calling. He's been showing me how wrong I was!

I've taught in my church's preschool for 8 years now. I love every second of it. In December 2009, when we were ready to quit trying to get pregnant but hadn't yet decided to adopt, I was in a very dark place. I was angry at God, and depressed, feeling hopeless. So, I quit childcare. I took almost a year off. It just became entirely too difficult to take care of everone else's kids. I became bitter toward the parents. So, I took a break.

In August 2010, my dear friend Shannon called and said she needed a co-teacher on Wednesday nights and asked if I wanted to help her. So, only to help her, I agreed. I was in a better place, and ready to face kids again. I took that job as a volunteer (Wed. night employees used to be paid, but due to the economy they had stopped paying). Unbeknownst to me, the first night I came back, we were told they were starting to pay again! Just a little blessing from God for being obedient, I believe. Then, earlier this year, our coordinator at church asked for help on Sunday mornings as well, so I accepted...again, just to help her. I didn't really want to. For the past several months, I've been working both hours on Sunday mornings. A few months in, I felt God telling me I needed to volunteer to teach a Sunday School class this Fall. I argued with him on that one for a bit. I didn't want to...I was hating having to get up early on my day off to drive all the way to church. I missed my lazy Sundays! But, I finally threw my hands up and said, "Fine, God. I'll do it." So, I told our coordinator that I wanted to teach, but that I wanted to have the same class on Wed nights and Sunday mornings. When I first told her that, I really didn't want to do it. But, I knew I had to.

Over the last few weeks of preparing for it, God has totally changed my heart. He has given me the heart I need to do this, and I cannot WAIT! I am so excited. I haven't been this excited about teaching in a long time, because I've been too focused on feeling....what's the word....apprehensive....sad....downright bitter. Through all of this, God has shown me that just because I don't teach full time doesn't mean I can't fulfill His calling on my life. He has shown me that by being obedient and seeking him with all my heart, I AM fulfilling His calling on my life!

I've come to realize lately that if I were teaching full time, I may become tired and burnt out. If that were to happen, I would be ineffective. But, by simply teaching at church, and loving the little ones like Jesus does, I am fulfilling His calling and more!

So, remember, if you know what your calling is, don't assume it has to be your career or your entire life...you can fulfill it in a number of ways!

Show Hope

2011-07-22T13:06:00.002-05:00

I got home from work yesterday, and it was already after 6:00. I had an appointment right after work, which ended up being a huge waste of time. I was starving, it was a rough day, and we had to be at the town hall for a city meeting by 7:00. I was pretty tired and grouchy. I wanted to eat, and our only options were McDonald's or Taco Bell, and in light of my efforts this week, I wasn't happy about either one, and I was in a huge hurry to eat and get to the meeting. Right before we left for the meeting, I noticed the stack of mail on the counter, so as I waited for Brandon to get his shoes on, I started shuffling through it. Halfway through the stack I saw an envelope from Show Hope (www.showhope.org). I thought, "well, here's our denial letter." I had sent our application in several months ago for an adoption grant, but we had already been denied by a couple of other grants. We never get grants of any kind, so I immediately got frustrated.

But, much to my amazement, the letter said we will receive $5,000. $5,000!

Aside from what we already are in debt for with the adoption, we will have to pay another $7,000-$8,500 (rates are going up, but we don't know how much just yet) upon placement, we have to pay for our own attorney, AND any travel costs incurred should we receive an out-of-town or out-of-state referral. So, five grand will take an enormous strain off of us! This means we will only have to pay $2,000-$3,000 upon placement! God is SO good! Brandon and I have been struggling with feeling like God doesn't care...like he's just overlooking us, so it was like God was saying, "I'm right here, and I haven't forgotten about you!" Thank you, Jesus! I immedately started screaming and crying and jumping up and down. Now, in the big picture, $5,000 is only a fraction of the cost of an adoption, but it still will make an entire world of difference for us to know that that is $5,000 more that we will NOT have to go into debt for! PRAISE THE LORD! :)

It also makes the remaining amount seem MUCH more attainable. I need to get started on some more fundraisers. Wouldn't it be awesome if we didn't have to pay ANYTHING at placement?

One step forward

2011-07-20T15:12:00.002-05:00

On Monday I randomly decided to get up and go to the gym. We joined Anytime Fitness back in March, and I love it there. I did GREAT for about a month. But, I don't have the best pair of walking shoes, and I have a flatter foot, so I started having some pains in my feet and calves. I got to where I could only walk for 10 minutes before I had to stop. Not having the money for shoes, I "took a few days off." Ok, more like a few months :/ So Monday I got up and went before work. I really enjoyed it. It was really quiet. Only 2 other people there and no staff at that hour, which I like. So, I've gone every day this week and I'm planning to go tomorrow and Friday, too.

Is it bad that my only thought is, "how long will this last?"

Heat

2011-07-20T15:11:00.002-05:00

I'm ready for Fall......

Random Update and BIRTHDAYS!

2011-07-12T13:45:00.006-05:00

I'm still alive! Because I know that you are so enthralled in my exciting life that you just couldn't WAIT for my next post! ;)

We recently celebrated both mine and Brandon's birthdays! I am now 27 and he is 29. It's hard to believe how fast time flies! Speaking of birthdays, I'm starting to plan Brandon's big 30th birthday bash! Ok, Ok...bash may not be the best word. We're not exactly partiers. BUT, I plan on making his day very exciting nonetheless! I've pretty much settled on a theme, IF I can get one major detail worked out. If not, I'll have to choose another theme. Yes, I'm one of those. I HAVE to have a theme for any party I throw. I can't stand buying plates with birthday hats that just say "Happy Birthday" on them. Brandon rarely reads my blog, but because he may snoop at some point before his birthday, I don't want to divulge too many details. I had thought about a video game theme, since he loves his ~~stupid~~ video games and I found these adorable cupcakes:

but I decided a video game theme would be really difficult. No one we know other than Brandon really likes video games, so a video-game related activity was out, and finding decoration ideas for it was....well...unsuccessful. So, I've got another good idea that is easy to personalize, yet easy to find stuff for, too. No, it's not a Luau, although Brandon would look hysterical in a grass skirt and coconuts....*scratches chin in thought*

For my birthday, we went to the drive in and saw Cars 2 and Pirates of the Carribean. I slept through the 2nd feature. On Brandon's birthday, we met my parents and his parents at Red Robin for dinner. I love that at RR on your bday, your meal is free. Sweet!

In other ~~exciting~~ news, I got my Cuttlebug! That was my birthday gift, thanks to a good sale, a coupon, and a gift card. If you're not a scrapbooker, this is a Cuttlebug:

It's an embossing and die cut machine. You buy little embossing folders for it and it makes plain cardstock into textured paper. Which, if you're not a crafter, probably sounds boring. It does this:

Anywho, that's about all that's been going on lately. With heat in the upper 90's/low 100's, I've pretty much stayed inside.

27

2011-06-22T09:05:00.002-05:00

Yep. I'm 27 today. Wow. Where does the time go? It seems like just yesterday I turned 16! We don't have any major plans for my birthday. My parents are cooking out this evening, so that will be fun. Brandon took the weekend off this weekend so he could be with me. I'm not sure what we'll do with a whole 2 days together (which is rare in our house), but I'm sure I'll love every moment of having him home :)

Living Like No One Else

2011-06-16T08:07:00.002-05:00

We started doing the Dave Ramsey plan this month. I've been begging Brandon to do it with me for MONTHS now, and he finally went along with it to appease me. The first of the month, we sat down at the kitchen table for the first time EVER and wrote out our budget...down to the dollar. And now, halfway through the month, we've paid half of our first credit card off! How amazing that feels! Brandon told me this morning that he's really getting into it and it's getting him excited. Who knew I'd be right? :P

We're not taking Dave's classes right now, but we're following the plan. I already had "Total Money Makeover," so I just ordered the workbook to go along with it. And my sweet friend, Emily, was kind enough to mail me her mp3 audio of all of the classes, so we can just listen to them. Thanks, Emily!

Funny thing is, we've had a couple of people actually laugh at us for doing it. They won't be laughing long! I love getting the last laugh!

In Adoption News: nada. I get frustrated sometimes because I don't hear a word from our agency. I really wish they'd at least call to see how we're handling the wait and such. But they don't. I'm hoping and praying the Lord blesses what we're doing financially and provides that last payment for the adoption.

Disappeared

2011-06-02T16:13:00.003-05:00

I promise I haven't disappeared. It's been a while, I know. Fact of the matter is, I just haven't had much to talk about. No adoption news at all.

We had a good Memorial Day weekend. I hope yours was good as well. I spent most of it at the pool. My best friend, Jennifer, was kind enough to let us come to her husband's old apartments and swim with them. (I might add that since they just got married, his lease wasn't up yet) It was nice to be outside instead of stuck in the house. It made me realize just how badly I want a pool, and why I miss apartment life.

I am really looking forward to this weekend. Saturday, I'm spending a few hours at the Smyrna pool, and then Saturday night Jennifer and I are having GIRLS NIGHT! I am super excited!

Anyway, that's pretty much it...nothing exciting on the home front. Just life as usual!

Pantry Overhaul

2011-05-20T08:34:00.010-05:00

My pantry is an endless disaster area. Every couple of months I have to pull everything out, purge expired foods, and re"organize" it. AKA: Put everything back neatly. However, in a week or two, it looks like a tornado blew through it again. (A certain husband is NOT good at actually putting things in the right spot). So, I decided it was time to actually organize it. I still have some work to do to it, but this is a start!

Before.....

After.......

I bought 2 3-tier spice racks at Walmart for $3.67/each. Instead of spices, I am using them for my canned goods so I can easily see what I have.

I had this plastic bin laying around, so I used it to stick our small items like popcorn, oatmeal, and pouches of rice and such. I need a few more of these bins.

This is my favorite part. I got this set of 3 shelves at Wally World for around $5. They're easy to hang, perfect for baggies and such, and I LOVE that my syrup bottles and such are no longer lost in the back of the pantry!!

Mother's Day is a Drag...Sort Of

2011-05-08T17:57:00.002-05:00

I know, what kind of person thinks Mother's Day is a drag? Well, if you have ever experienced infertility or the intense wait for motherhood, then you know what I mean.

I have a wonderful mother, whom I adore. She is my everything. We weren't all that close growing up, but now that I'm older, I realize that she really did know what she was talking about. She wasn't as dumb as I thought she was, and she certainly wasn't out to ruin my life! Thanks, Mom! :)

However, while I am super thankful for my mother, this day brings a ton of sadness for me. Every year it gets a little harder. This year, I just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep the day away. But, instead, I had to go to church and care for the kids...of mothers....kids who not only were dressed up for Mom, but were busy making all sorts of crafts to take home to their Mommies. And I got to help! That might make me sound a little bitter, but for me, it is very tough to be around a bunch of kids who are so excited about their moms. All the moms at church received a long stem red rose. Not me! People would tell the women around me "Happy Mother's Day!" then they would look at me and just keep going...because I'm not a "mom" yet. One lady even had the guts to say "We'll tell you Happy Mothers Day in a year or two or three or whenever!" Ok, ok, I know she meant well, but OUCH! On Mother's Day, I find myself not only feeling extremely sad and lonely, but I find myself almost feeling angry towards all the mothers. All these young moms dressed nice, talking about what nice things their kids did for them....gag! Oh, and I must stay away from Facebook on this day!!! Nothing but posts about their breakfasts in bed, their flowers, and the cute little cards their kids hand colored for them.

I know I sound like a crab, but those who have been in these shoes can understand.

I also spend a lot of time on MD thinking about birthmoms...those women who so selflessly gave their child life and then surrendered that life to someone else who might otherwise not be able to celebrate such holidays. I feel like birthmoms are overlooked on MD, and they shouldn't be. They are the ultimate example of what a mother is! They put their child first, no matter what it costs them. I can't imagine what it must be like to be a birthmom on MD. I think about moms of international adoptions...women who have a child, but they have no clue where in the world (literally) their child lives, if they're happy and ok, or what kind of people they are growing into. I know this day must be excruciating for them.

Difference between me and them is, one day, I'll be a mom and MD will no longer be painful for me. For those birthmoms, MD will always be painful.

Anyway, I wish all the Mommies a Happy MD, and if you are waiting to be a mommy, or if you are a birthmom, know that you are not forgotten on this day!

We're On The Web!

2011-04-19T10:10:00.002-05:00

We've been in the process of having our profile listed on the Bethany website as a waiting family. We've been on the waiting list since September, but that just means that our physical profile book was available in Bethany's office for viewing. Being listed on the website means it can be viewed nationwide. We are hoping that this will help more birthmoms see our profile, thus shortening our wait time. As a Bethany policy, being listed on the website also means that we must be willing to travel out of state to receive our baby, since parents in other states can see our profile. Therefore, we could be receiving a referral from anywhere in the country! This is exciting, but stressful at the same time. Adoption laws are different in each state, and if we get a referral from another state, it's a possibility that we will need to travel to that state for up to 2 weeks before bringing the baby home (FYI: You can't leave the state with a child until the court says they are yours!). And, any out of state travel expenses are not included in our adoption fees. BOOO. But, we will do whatever is necessary to bring our little one home, and we trust that God WILL provide when that time comes!!

Check out our online profile here!

My Best Friend's Wedding

2011-04-19T09:06:00.005-05:00

My best friend got married on Sunday! I am so excited for her!

It was a CRAZY busy weekend. Jennifer and her baby girl, Abby, stayed the night with me the night before the wedding. That was a blast! We were up bright and early Sunday morning to get ready for the big day! I even did her hair for her, and I must say, I am quite impressed with myself considering I have NEVER done anyone else's hair before. Ever.

Michael and Jennifer, I love you so very much! Jenn, you have been the best friend I have had in a long time, and I am so thankful for you! Michael, I am so glad Jennifer found you. I can see how happy she is. You better take care of her! :-) I'm always here for you guys if you need anything! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

When You're Angry at God

2011-04-08T14:24:00.002-05:00

Why do we really get angry with God? And is it ok? I know I've touched on it before, but this is such a heavy subject, and one which I know plenty about. I think we all do. I have struggled with anger toward God for quite some time, and I still do from time to time. As excited as I am about our adoption, and as anxious as I am to meet our little one, I still have moments where I can't help but feel angry toward God. I still grieve the loss that comes with infertility. And sometimes I feel guilty for it, as if being sad about infertility means I'm ungrateful for the little one coming our way. And that isn't the case at all. I can honestly say that I look forward to having a birthmom in our life, and teaching our child what love truly means. But, that doesn't take away the sting of knowing that I can't carry my child; of knowing I'll never feel him or her kick or move. And, sometimes, I still feel angry. Especially when I hear that someone else I know is pregnant. It may be someone who is unwed or didn't want kids. It may be someone who I think doesn't deserve a child for various reasons. It may be someone who got pregnant as soon as they tried. And, it may be someone who has struggled with infertility and finally got pregnant. That last one is the hardest for me, because you'd think that I would be happy for them, seeing as I know how hard it is, but I'm not...I want to know why it worked for them, but not me! Anyway, my point here is that it is ok, and quite normal to be angry with God. Even Jeremiah was mad at God! (Jeremiah 20). And let's not forget Job! The tricky part is how we handle that anger. I fully believe in talking to God about our feelings....be honest. He knows, anyway, so what's the big deal? But, while you're letting God know how angry you are, try to keep in mind that He is still God. He is still on the throne. Don't curse him. Forgive Him, and move on as best you can. Trust me, I know how hard that is. But my anger toward God is finally starting to draw me closer to Him, because if He still loves me after I've been so angry with Him, then I truly know that there is nothing I can do to make Him stop loving me. Check out this post about Jeremiah.

Project Nursery has Commenced!

2011-04-06T10:05:00.006-05:00

This weekend, we finally started painting the nursery!! This is such an exciting project for me! I have been dreaming for YEARS about how I would decorate my baby's nursery. I always knew I wanted something unique...definitely not a solid color. When we started the adoption process, I went back and forth debating on what to do. Decorate the nursery a neutral color? Not decorate at all and wait until the baby comes home? When should I start? We finally decided to go ahead and start decorating it while we were waiting for several reasons. For one thing, it is theraputic for me...I need something to keep me busy, and it helps me know that there will be a baby in there....eventually. And mainly because once the baby comes home, the last thing we want to do is spend our time decorating. We want to soak up every second holding and loving our little one as possible.

We chose to do a light green color, and we will be adding a chair rail and doing stripes on the bottom half of the walls with the light green and a slightly darker green. Hopefully it turns out to look the way it looks in my head!

This is the first coat, minus some cutting in at the top. The lighting makes it look more lime green than it is, but the next picture looks more like the actual color.

Brandon hard at work :) I am loving the color!

I'll share more pics as we make progress!

SINUCLEANSE!

2011-04-01T14:09:00.002-05:00

Thank you, God for SINUCLEANSE!

Bittersweet Moments

2011-03-28T08:08:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I was working in the nursery at church. I was placed in the overflow room, and I ended up with only 1 baby, a 10-month-old little boy. I had to work both the Sunday School hour and the Worship hour, so I got to give him plenty of attention, which he loved. During the second hour, he got fussy, so I turned on some lullaby music and started rocking him. He was out cold in no time. He slept on my shoulder for a solid hour, with one arm around my neck, and the other holding tightly onto my shirt. It was the sweetest time, and I couldn't help but thank God for giving me that precious time. But, at the same time, it was sad. Bittersweet. I couldn't help but think how I have to give this child back to his parents, and how I can't wait to be able to do that with my child. I will try to remember that at 3am when I'm trying to get my kid to sleep. :) I used to teach Sunday School and Wednesday nights, but I quit doing both right before we decided to adopt. It simply got too difficult working with kids all the time. I found myself resenting the parents and distancing myself from the kids, which was even harder because I love working with kids so much. At that time, I was in a place where we were realizing that the fertility treatments weren't working, and that we really may not be able to conceive. It was a really hard reality for us, and even harder to say out loud. We were at rock bottom and didn't know what we were going to do. I couldn't bear the thought of going through life childless, and Brandon wasn't interested in adoption at that point. I got to the point where every week when I left my class at church, I would cry all the way home. I wanted to be that parent that came to pick my child up. I wanted to be the one that they squealed and ran for. I wanted to be the one the cried for. So, I quit. Then last August, God started pulling me back into service. He gave me my time to grieve. My sweet friend Shannon called me and asked if I would help her on Wednesday nights. I couldn't say no! I've been teaching with her since August, and I love it. Last week, I got a call from our childcare coordinator asking if I could help out each week for a few months until she found some regulars to help out. I felt like God was calling me to do this, so I said yes. Now, I'm not sure if I'll continue doing it after those 2 months are up or not....we'll just see how it goes. Hopefully it won't be emotionally too much. But, I feel like God has given me some time to deal with our loss and come to terms with things, and now he's telling me it's time to stand up and get back in the swing of things. We still grieve and we still hurt. I still get sad sometimes that I won't be carrying my child myself, and the waiting is incredibly hard, but I know this is where God wants me. I feel like he is giving me this opportunity to serve without a long-term commitment. It may sound odd, but I'm really thankful. I'm so glad that God gave us that time to grieve. It has made me realize that God really does know that we hurt, and that he empathizes with us. It makes me realize that He really has been there all along, even though it hasn't felt like it.

A Rant on YouTube Bullying

2011-03-24T15:10:00.003-05:00

This is kind of a random rant on the ridiculous bullying that takes place on YouTube, as well as other internet sites. It astounds me how crude people are.

Have you heard of Rebecca Black?

Her YouTube music video, "Friday," went viral last month with over a million views. And it isn't because the song is good. I'll be honest. It's terrible. Really, really terrible. BUT, she is a 13-year-old girl! You can see the video here. In a recent interview on Good Morning America, Rebecca was asked what comments were the worst. One commentor told her "she should cut herself," and another viewer told her she should "get an eating disorder so she would be pretty."

Seriously?? Why, oh, WHY would you say that to someone? And of all people, a 13-year-old girl? Teens have enough pressure on them already without comments like that.

Then there's the YouTuber, Nichole337. (Yes, I have a small obsession with Youtube...don't judge me). You can see Nichole's channel here.

I won't even try to choose one of her comments as an example, but just scroll through 1 page of comments, and you will see plenty of perfect examples of pure hatred.

Bullying has become such a huge issue. When I was a kid, bullying meant someone threatened to beat you up after school...but none of us ever actually went. I got called plenty of names as a kid. But I don't think I ever heard someone threaten someone's life or tell them they are worthless. When did we as human beings begin thinking that we are better than anyone?

The big question here is, what should be done about it? Should people really continue to be allowed to post such horrid things? Where is that line between freedom of speech and hate?

Chicken Enchiladas

2011-03-06T17:05:00.004-06:00

I made chicken enchiladas for the first time today. They turned out great! Brandon even liked them, and he doesn't like much of anything. I'll post the link to the recipe below because I don't feel like typing it up :-)

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Beef-or-Chicken-Enchiladas/Detail.aspx

You can also check out my video of the process here :)

KEDS Are Back!

2011-02-27T14:48:00.003-06:00

I just felt the need to express my excitement that Keds are coming back! I loved these shoes when I was a kid. I had probably 10 colors, or so it seems, and I loved em! I bought a pair today for $8 at Target (ok, so they're wannabe Keds, but still), and I am ecstatic! It doesn't take much to please me.

When Sickness Strikes

2011-02-19T20:52:00.003-06:00

Sickness has taken up residence at our house. I don't really remember the last time I felt THIS sick. Thursday I was fine. Friday I woke up with a little scratchy throat and by noon Friday I felt like death, and it hasn't gotten any better. I came home Friday night after dinner at my mom's that I couldn't taste, took some Nyquil and a bath and went to bed. But, alas, the Nyquil had no effect. It normally knocks me out, but I tossed and turned ALL NIGHT Friday night. I slept maybe 1 hour. maybe. Which stinks because I had to get up at 6am this morning to pick up one of my best friends for the Encores and More Consignment Sale! (I realize I should've skipped it, but these sales only come a few times a year, and I was super stoked because this was my first time!)

I did pretty good at the sale. I got several small items for a super good price. I love buying baby things. It makes me feel like there's something to look forward to. All in all it was a fun day, even though I felt icky.

I've been on the couch the rest of the day, and am about to take some more Nyquil (in hopes that it works this time) and get to bed.

I'm super bummed because I really wanted to do something fun with the hubby this weekend since we're both off on monday (President's Day), but it looks like I'll be stuck on the couch for the next few days. Boo! :(

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-16T15:19:00.002-06:00

Brandon and I never do much for Valentine's Day. As Brandon says, "why do we need a specific day to tell each other we love each other when we can do it every day?" Maybe that's his male way of saying "I hate Valentine's Day," and making it sound sweet. But hey, it works. We usually will either go out to eat or just cook a nice dinner at home. This year we opted for a $5 pizza and a movie, and it was perfect! :) Neither of us have been feeling good (I think it's from being pent up in the stinkin house so much this winter!), so we were perfectly happy relaxing on the couch. We never do Valentine's Day gifts, but I did take the time to make him something. I'll post on that later when I can post a pic.

Tonight, I'm headed to church to teach my precious kiddos! I always look forward to Wednesdays. I love hanging out with them, and I adore seeing them learn about Jesus. There's just nothing sweeter in the world!

A Much Needed Update!

2011-02-13T07:20:00.002-06:00

I think this might be the longest I've gone without blogging! Honestly, I just haven't had much to blog about lately. But I'm going to try to do better!

Truth is, I've kinda gone into a depression lately. I'm not usually the depressed type so I'm not really sure how to handle it. We've been struggling financially for the last 3 months (mainly thanks to NES for their 2 months of $300 electric bills), so we've literally been stuck in the house doing nothing but watching TV and playing board games. Then there's this ridiculous weather, which keeps us locked up even more. Then there's this heartbreaking wait for a baby.

I'm struggling with a few things as far as the wait goes. One thing is how certain family members really don't seem to support our adoption. It seems like they could care less. They never ask about it or mention it, and if we mention ANYTHING related to it, they change the subject. The other day, Brandon was telling someone that we were trying to pick out our crib and that we were getting ready to start on the nursery. The response he got was, "Oh, that's nice. "

I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it does. My mom and dad support us completely, and I think that's because they struggled with infertility for 18 years, so they know exactly what we are going through. No one else understands.

Which brings me to my next struggle. I feel like absolutely NO ONE understands how I feel or what this is like. I've got some great friends who are really supportive, and they try, but this is one of those things you can't possibly understand unless you have been there. And it's a very, very lonely feeling. Most of the time, I feel like there is no one I can talk to about this. There's no one who understands WHY we want to buy baby things or paint the nursery. And it gets old trying to explain it over and over again.

So, I guess I'm just having a little pity party. Which isn't like me. So, I'm clinging to God as hard as I know how right now, depending on Him to get me through it. I'm headed to church this morning (I haven't been on a Sunday in FOREVER because Brandon always has to work and I hate going alone), hoping for an encouraging word. Prayers are appreciated!

A Wee Bit Busy

2011-01-19T15:56:00.000-06:00

So, I’ve totally fallen off the blogging bandwagon lately. But in my defense, life has been NUTS! I need to do some serious blog updating, and I’ll try to do that this weekend.

Life has been crazy busy lately, and I’m actually loving it. It passes the time. Most of you know I started a new job in November, and it is a thousand times busier than my previous one, and I LOVE that. And, the first of the year brought some changes with it. For starters, we’re doing the whole lifestyle change…for real this time. You can check out my other blog for details.

I also had a goal for the year of making Bible reading part of my daily schedule (I am so incredibly terrible about this). I’ve been going through the “One Year Bible Devotional,” and I love it. I’ve only missed 2 days so far, so not too shabby. I spend my lunch hour doing my devotional. I’ll blog more about that later.

I started reading Breaking Dawn again a few weeks ago since I never did finish it the first time, but it’s taking me a LOT longer this time.

School has started, and I have to say, I have NO idea how people can work full time, raise kids, AND go to school full time. I take 1 class at a time, and it’s killing me! It takes up so much of my time! Maybe I’m just bad at time management….

We’ve also been working on some very minor home updates. So, between home updates, school, a new job, fitting in exercise and daily Bible reading, and everything else…well, you can imagine. There just aren’t enough hours in the day!

As far as the adoption goes, no, we haven’t heard anything. I did email our social worker last week because I had a question for her, and, quite frankly, I was just having a hard time. We literally haven’t hear one single word from our agency since we were approved. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I find that very frustrating. It’s as if they’ve forgotten us. And when we contact them, all we get is, “hang in there…it will happen.” I told her I was finding myself constantly wondering if anyone had seen our profile yet, and all she said was, “we show the profiles as often as we can.” Irritating.

I suppose this entry is plenty long enough for now J Have a good day!

3 Months...

2010-12-30T12:43:00.003-06:00

It has been 3 months since we were officially approved for our adoption. Well, it's only been 2 months since we knew we were approved, which seems strange that it took them an entire month to let us know that we were approved. That's a tad irritating. But, alas, we were approved on September 14th. Although 2010 has flown by, the past 3 months have seemed like an entire year on their own. I didn't expect waiting to be this hard. If the past 3 months have gone by this slowly, what will the next 2-3 years be like? I dread finding out. Christmas was agonizing, and I am praying we don't have to go through that yet again next year.

2010 has been a crazy year. A good one for the most part, but a good one. With the exception of 2 car accidents and some crazy emotions, I don't have much to complain about. It's crazy to think that a year ago, we had no clue that we would be adopting.

I talked a little bit in my previous blog about some plans for 2011. This is going to be a long year, I believe, but I am bound and determined to make it a good one. I am just about ready to start painting the baby's room. I'm pretty sure I've got the paint colors/style picked out. I'm also starting the "Read the Bible in one year" thing. I have a One Year Bible devotional that makes it pretty simple. I'm excited about that. I want to take this crazy, exciting, scary, sad, and stressful journey and use it to draw closer to God. I've never had to cling to Christ more than I do now. He is the only one with the strength to carry me through this.

So, here's to a new year, and a new start! Let's hope we end 2011 with a bright-eyed blessing in our arms!

Goodbye, Christmas!

2010-12-27T20:53:00.002-06:00

We ended up having a pretty good Christmas, but boy was I glad to see it end. I've just really felt like Scruge this year. I think it's a culmination of no baby, no money, and family stress. Completely out of character for me, I had all our decorations torn down by 8am the day after Christmas. But, overall, we have so much to be grateful for.

We spent Christmas eve evening with Brandon's parents and sister, Brandi, and her husband, Josh. We really enjoyed our time with them. Brandon got a new drill and I got a gift certificate to the salon to have my hair cut and colored, and boy am I excited about that!

We spent all of Christmas Day at my parents' house. where I lost 2 games of "Sorry" to Brandon and my mom. My sis, Kristy, and her husband, Darrin, were there, and Darrin's parents and brother came over for dinner. I loved spending the whole day with my family. I still really miss living at home from time to time.

I am really excited about the upcoming year. I am planning several changes for myself. I typically don't make New Years Resolutions because we all know no one ever keeps them, and I guess I'm not really thinking of it as a New Years Resolution, but I am bound and determined to get this weight off once and for all! I'm trying to encourage Brandon to join me. I'll be blogging my journey on my other blog, A Couple Of Losers. Follow if you wish. It's less about weight loss and more about making healthy changes, in hopes that my weight will follow. I don't want to be so focused on numbers that I get discouraged too easily.

I'm also really excited about 2011 because I have some fun projects planned, including working on the baby's nursery! It's torturing me! I can't wait to get in there and make it look like a baby's room! :-)

What are your goals for 2011?

Contemporary Christmas

2010-12-08T09:16:00.002-06:00

Ya know what makes me sad? How secular Christmas has become. Brandon and I were talking about it as we drove around the neighborhood looking at the Christmas lights last night. People put up lights, decorate the tree, make all sorts of Christmas goodies, we spend time with family, spend a ridiculous amount of money on gifts we don't really need, and watch many a Christmas movie.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE all of these things about Christmas! I turn into a little kid at Christmas. But, it seems like people talk more about lights, traditions, gifts, and what their holiday plans are than they do about Jesus.

Is it just me, or has Jesus been uninvited to his own birthday party? I've even heard non believers say that they like to celebrate "Christmas," they just don't do the "Jesus part." Really? How can you celebrate someone's birthday without acknowledging the guest of honor?

So, I am challenging myself this season, and I want to challenge you as well. I know how easy it is to get sidetracked with the busy schedules and long to-do lists. But this year, I want to spend a little more time with God.

Starting today, I am going to start reading the Christmas story from the Bible. I'm going to try to break it down piece by piece. Every day, I will spend some time reflecting on the story of our Savior's birth, and drawing closer to him this season. Will you join me? Let's not forget why we have Christmas to celebrate in the first place!

"Twenty Things" #7

2010-12-07T15:05:00.002-06:00

I know, I'm posting these back to back....my apologies...

"I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family."

This chapter echoes the previous one. We as parents must make the effort to keep an open dialect. The adoptee is a victim. She didn't choose this. It isn't her fault. She didn't deserve such a loss. There are 3 aspects to the victim mind-set:

Innocence- it wasn't her fault
Defenselessness- she was powerless to stop it
Helplessness- she cannot change the past

We need to be confident in our parental role, and avoid trying to be parents of the year. Life is messy. It is nowhere near perfect. And that's ok! As I said earlier, I always want my child to feel free to discuss his/her past, because without the past, there would be no future! (obviously...)

"Twenty Things" #6

2010-12-07T14:58:00.003-06:00

"Just Because I don't talk about my birth family doesn't mean I don't think about them."

I really like that this book is written from the viewpoint of the adoptee. This chapter talks mostly about how children view their birth parents. As adoptive parents, we have to set aside our fears. We're not keeping up with the Jones' here, pardon the expression. We don't need to feel like we are in competition with the birth parents, trying to win the child's love. The adoptee already loves his adoptive parents! But, reality is, he does have 2 sets of parents, and there's nothing we can do to change that. It is only natural that adoptees think and dream about their birth family, especially if it is a closed adoption. What I got out of this chapter: it's OK for them to wonder about their birth family!

If you have an adopted child, you should make sure your child knows that it's ok to talk about her birth family, and that there is no reason for her to feel guilty or bad about it. The birth parents will always be a part of her life! Personally, I don't WANT my child to "forget" her birth family. After all, these are the people who will give my child life, and I will be eternally grateful! So, I desire to always make an effort to include my child's birth parents in our conversations.

"Twenty Things" #5

2010-12-07T12:11:00.002-06:00

I know...I've gotten off track with these. But, I have NOT forgotten about this! I am still reading the book, and I will continue my chapter-by-chapter review :-)

"I need your help in grieving my loss. Teach me how to get in touch with my feelings about my adoption, then validate them."

I think I have mentioned in previous posts that one of the things that I have learned so far is that no matter how much we desire our child, no matter how much we love her, and no matter how much she means to us, we can not change her circumstances. We can not change the fact that she will have suffered such a great loss before she was even born. This is astounding (and hurtful) to me. Oh, how I wish I could make it better! But, since I can't remove the hurt, I must help my child grieve and deal with their circumstances. The first key to this is to help her verbalize her feelings. We, as adoptive parents, must make absolutely certain that we provide a safe place for our children to share with us their feelings...regardless of what those feelings might be. Adopted children need to know that we love them just the way they are, and that there is nothing that they need to do to "deserve" our love.

We need to be in tune to our children, and take their ques. We need to know when to talk with them about their adoption, and to let them know that we are here for them whenever they want to talk. But what about the kids who don't know how to put their feelings into words? One of the book's suggestions is to help your child work through their feelings through play. It can be acting out stories like what it was like at the hospital on adoption day, or playing with dolls or barbies and pretending one of the dolls is adopted, or even writing a story together about it. I really liked those ideas. I think those are some creative ways to help a child walk through their grief.

Some other suggestions to help the child work through his grief in the book are:

Create a Lifebook
Let her write letters to her birthmom. If you can't mail them to her, keep them in a box or a scrapbook.
Give your child privacy. He may want to work through it alone at times.
Expose him to other adoptees.
Always remind your child of his strengths.

Thankful Overload!

2010-11-25T09:53:00.002-06:00

I started this season in a depressed state, not thankful for much. I was so disappointed that we had to spend yet another holiday without children. And, while I do grieve that we can't yet share our traditions with our kids, I have realized that I really do have SOOOO much to be thankful for! In perfect Type A Personality fashion, here is a list :)

My amazing, supportive, and loving husband
The fact that we made it through the adoption process and are just waiting for the call
The peace that God has granted us throughout our infertility/adoption journey
The fact that my husband miraculously got today OFF!
My wonderful family
My amazing friends. Especially grateful for Jennifer, who has become one of my main support systems. So glad we have grown so close! Thankful for reconnections with old friends, too.
And so much more!

We are spending the day just the 2 of us, being thankful for what is hopefully one of our last Thanksgivings just the 2 of us. As much as I look forward to sharing our traditions with our kids, I am not going to take this time for granted. Brandon cooked breakfast this morning, and I'm cooking dinner. We're watching the parade now, and we're about to whip out the board games and movies! I can't think of a better way to spend Thanksgiving :)

Insert Witty Christmas Related Title Here

2010-11-24T13:26:00.004-06:00

We've finally got it looking like Christmas around our house! Those of you who know me know that I normally have my tree up 2 weeks before Thanksgiving. I know...ridiculous. BUT, we finally got our decorations out last night and started putting them up. We haven't put up the tree yet, though. Here's a funny story about that....

Last year, Brandon's grandparents gave us their HUGE 8 foot tree for the new house. They had used it for several years, but it was a really, really nice prelit one. They came down one day while I was working and helped Brandon put the tree up. They told him whatever he did NOT to take it apart! They told him to make sure and put it in the attic as one piece or we'd never get it back together. I know what you're thinking...he took it down. Wrong! He just forgot one small detail. He forgot to tell ME not to take it down! So, I started taking it down thinking it wouldn't take very long. "Not very long" turned into an all day chore. I fought and fought with that tree, and in the end...I won. Or so I thought. I got it all stuffed into 2 ginormous tree bags and had them ready to go into the attic when Brandon got home. I was so proud of myself! I just knew Brandon would be proud of me, and happy that he didn't have to fool with it after working all day. Little did I know, the look on his face when he walked in was more....horrified...than proud. He instantly realized that he forgot to tell me not to take it apart. You see, this tree is not in 3 sections like most trees (I learned this as I was fighting Mr. Tree). It's one HUGE pole, and each pre-lit branch attaches seperately and connects to the next branch. So now, we have 2 huge tree bags full of branches and a big pole. Luckily, his Grandparents are coming down Saturday to help us get it back up. Woops!

We did start a new Christmas tradition this year I think. While we decorated, we watched the cartoon version of "The Grinch" and all 3 of the Holiday episodes of Garfield on DVD (Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas). I think this tradition should stick. I can't wait to watch those with our kids!

I am really looking forward to this weekend. Brandon somehow managed to get Thursday, Saturday, AND Sunday off! Tomorrow, we are staying home, just the 2 of us. I'm cooking a small meal for us and we are going to stay in our jammies, watch movies, and play board games. And probably take a nap or 2. I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to this! We're eating at my parents' on Friday, and going out with his parents on Saturday.

Oh! One other thing we are doing this weekend...we decided we wanted to do something baby related, but buying gifts seemed a little over the top, and I'm afraid it would depress me to wrap toys and have no one to open them. So, we decided instead to go pick out a stocking for the baby and fill it with some little baby items. This will be our baby tribute this year, and we can use that stocking for years to come. Last year we bought a cute angel ornament for the tree that says "Already in our hearts."

What are your Thanksgiving plans?

I love girl time!

2010-11-21T19:21:00.002-06:00

This weekend has been a pretty good one. I haven't gotten much house cleaning done at all, but it has been well worth it! I hate how fast the weekends go by, but I am very much looking forward to the short 3 day work week!! YAY for Holidays!

Today, I went wedding dress shopping with my BEST friend in the whole wide world :) We had a blast! Oh how I LOVE LOVE LOVE weddings! I get so excited! And I am so honored to get to walk through the process with Jennifer! She must've tried on at least 10 dresses today, and she was stunning in every single one of them! I think she has decided on the 2nd one she tried on. It was the only one that actually made her gasp and made her jaw drop. Oh, how I remember that feeling of trying on dresses and feeling so beautiful! I wish I could post a pic of her in her dress, but we wouldn't want the Mr. to go snooping around! ;)

I also get to plan her bridal shower (if you know me at all, you know how happy this makes me!). Not only do I love planning parties, but it makes it that much better when it's for someone I care about. I am so glad to have something to keep me busy for the next few months. Hopefully it will keep my mind off of the baby for a bit.

Speaking of which, this year the holidays are somewhat drab for me. I just haven't been able to get into the spirit yet. It is almost depressing in a way. Every year I think, "maybe next year we'll have a baby to buy Christmas gifts for!" So, as each year comes and goes, it gets harder and harder to see a tree with no toys underneath it. It gets harder and harder not to hear that little bitty laugh to bring joy to the season. But, I know that we should treasure these last Christmases together alone. So, that's what we will attempt to do. Not sure how that will work, though.

Alone in a Crowded Room

2010-11-08T12:45:00.002-06:00

Wow...I have been crazy busy lately! My new job keeps my days filled, which I really like. I don't have time to get bored. Before, I sat at my desk answering phones, which left me with a lot of time to stare at the wall and watch the clock. So, I am loving how quickly my days pass now. Hopefully it will stay that way after the new wears off.

I had a pretty good weekend. Saturday, I got to go visit my best friend Jennifer at her new apartment. We didn't do a lot...just hung out. But it was a really good time :) I love my friends!

Yesterday I had a hard day, though. We went to Target to pick up some contact solution, and, as always, I had to stroll through the baby department. I really wanted to buy something, but Brandon gave me that "Oh please...can we leave now?" look. I get that a lot. I ended up being really sad the rest of the day. It is so hard to explain. I know those days will come and go, and that they are a part of this journey, but they are so hard. A lot of the time I feel like NO ONE understands...not even Brandon. I came to the realization yesterday that Brandon and I are both dealing with the wait time very differently. I daydream, shop, and plan. I talk about the baby. I think about it all the time. Brandon on the other hand, finds it easier to just ignore it all and pretend it isn't happening. He changes the subject. He finds it too hard to look at baby stuff or be around kids. Neither way is necessarily wrong by any means, it just makes it even harder when the one person who is supposed to understand....doesn't.

Anytime I mention baby anything to family, I get the response, "we'll get it when it's time. We'll buy a crib when it's time. Your baby will come home when it's the right time." I get so tired of hearing "when it's time!" To me, when someone says that, they may as well say, "Don't forget...you'll have to wait 3 years...don't forget about the looooooong wait." That's what I hear. That feels hopeless to me. That makes me feel like there's nothing to look forward to. No one gets that it isn't about the crib...it isn't about the stroller. It's about feeling like there WILL be a baby in our house. For me, it's therapy. It makes me happy to buy baby things. It makes me feel like I have a reason to be excited. But everytime I get excited, I get shot down. I know that people mean well. I can't expect them to understand. But it is still incredibly frustrating. I have all these people around me who love us, but NO ONE gets it. I can't talk about it because no one else wants to talk about it. If I am sad, no one gets that I'm just sad...they want to bug me about why I'm sad and give me advice that makes me feel no better. So, 90% of the time I just keep my thoughts to myself. I'm afraid that the people around me will think I'm silly if I cry at the mention of a baby. And trust me, talk to me about it for more than 5 seconds and I'm guaranteed to at least tear up. Not always sad tears, though...sometimes excited tears.

I know this post was a *smidge* depressing, but, again, that's part of this journey. I want to share my journey openly on here so that other people who are having these same feelings will know that they are not alone. Thanks for listening to my ranting :)

Woohoo! Promoted!

2010-11-01T16:07:00.002-05:00

I finally got a promotion! I'm pretty excited. It isn't really much more pay, but every little bit helps! And the best (and most exciting) part is, I am no longer tied down to the front desk! YAY me! I used to be the secretary, so I was tied to the phone ALL day long...such a drag. It was a good job, don't get me wrong, and I had a great boss, but it is so irritating not being able to get up and walk away for a minute. I'm still working in the same office, but not at the front desk anymore. It is sooo nice to be able to go to the little ladies' room without permission :-)

"Twenty Things" #4

2010-10-27T10:42:00.004-05:00

"My unresolved grief may surface in anger toward you."

This chapter was a little difficult for me. The last thing I want to think about is my child be angry at me for any reason, much less their adoption, and I surely don't want to consider the thought that they may act out or even become violent. This chapter goes over many of the reasons that a child might become angry, how that anger may be presented, and how to handle it.

Not all adoptees will experience anger, and those who do will not display those feelings in the same fashion. However, it is very common for adoptees to be angry, sometimes subconsciously, and to inflict that anger in other areas of his life. Some thoughts an adoptee may have are:

"I'm mad that she gave me up."
"I'm mad that she didn't love me enough to keep me."
"I'm mad at my adoptive parents for taking me away."
"I'm lonely."
"I'm different than everyone else."
"I must protect myself from further abandonment/rejection."

The child may not be able to verbally tell you these thoughts, because they themselves may not understand exactly why they feel angry. Here are some things this chapter suggests adoptive parents can do to help their child sort through anger:

ALLOW them to be angry. Create a safe haven for your child to be angry, and don't talk them out of it. If your child expresses his anger toward his birthmom, instead of saying, "But that's not true...she loved you. You shouldn't be angry," tell him, "That must really hurt to feel that way. I can see why you're mad."
Reassure them. Although you don't want to talk their feelings down or try to change their mind, you do need to let them know that you love them and that you aren't going to leave them. Adoptees need to know that they weren't placed for adoption because something was wrong with them.
Find a good adoption counselor. Make sure it is someone that has experience with adoption issues. It is a good idea for all adoptees to have regular counseling during these periods in their life.

"Twenty Things" #3

2010-10-26T14:27:00.003-05:00

"If I don't grieve my loss, my ability to receive love from you and others will be hindered."

Whenever we experince a loss, whether it be death, divorce, someone moving far away, infertility, or adoption, we must grieve. It sounds so trivial...so simple...but sometimes it's just easier to pretend everything is normal, and try to forget it. But that doesn't work. If we don't complete the process of grieving, we cannot move on to more positive things in life. I have had to begin to attempt to mentally prepare myself for the fact that my child will have suffered a major loss, and that he/she will need to grieve that loss. Even harder to come to terms with is the fact that I am going to have to be ok with the grieving. It hurts to even think about watching my child hurt and being able to do nothing about it. But, I realize that grieving is necessary for my child to heal.

I am aboslutely loving what I am learning about adoption. Even though some of it is hard to swallow, I am hoping it will make me a better adoptive mom in the long run. I don't believe that reading books can MAKE me a good mom or prepare me 100% for every challenge I might face, but I do feel like I will have a better understanding of my child's loss and grieving process.

"Twenty Things" #2

2010-10-26T14:17:00.002-05:00

"I need to be taught that I have special needs arising from adoption loss, of which I need not be ashamed."

Adoptees need to know that although they might be different from the other children, they are not less worthy. Even if your child is biological, it is important to teach them that everyone has differences, and that no one person is better than the other because of them. No two people are exactly alike. My child's difference will be that he/she was adopted.

The book breaks some of the special needs down into emotional needs, educational needs, validation needs, etc. These are just a few of those needs:

I need help recognizing my adoption loss.
I need to be prepared for hurtful things others may say about my being adopted.
I need validation of my dual heritage
I need you to delight in my bioloical differences (don't pretend that I am just like you)
I need to be taught that my life is not a mistake.
I need to be taught that I have immutable value as a human being.

How can you meet the needs of your child? Educate yourself. Talk to them. LISTEN to them. Love them unconditionally. Read adoption books with them/to them. Be sensitive to them. And, cheer them on!

"Twenty Things" Chapter 3

2010-10-26T14:10:00.002-05:00

#1: "I suffered a profound loss before I was born. You are not responsible."

It is easy to pretend everything is fine, especially if your child isn't showing any signs of being sad or angry. But (once again) it is VITAL to be sensitive to the fact that they have lost something so important, and they will want to know why. Your child knows it's not your fault, even if sometimes they might seem angry with you. Don't blame yourself for your child's struggles. This does not mean you have failed as an adoptive parent. If your child is talking to you, in my opinion, you are doing a great job! Parents in general sometimes feel that they should be able to wipe away anything that makes their child hurt, because none of us want to see our children suffer. Understand before you adopt that your child will more than likely at some point have negative feelings toward their adoption, and that it's ok. It is not YOU!

"The most important thing adoptees need is the freedom to express their conflicting emotions without fear of judgement."

Let your child know that even though you can't fix things or change the past, that you love them and are willing to hear them out, and that you love them unconditionally, no matter what they say.

"Twenty Things" Chapter 2

2010-10-26T13:58:00.002-05:00

"Entering Your Child's World"

It is so important to be focused on what your child thinks and feels. Although we will never fully comprehend what our child is feeling unless we were adopted ourselves, we can still pay attention to the signs of sadness and frustration. Even when a child is adopted at birth, they immediately grieve. I know, I know. A baby? Grieving? But they won't remember! All they want is food! Quite the contrary. They won't be able to recall what happened that day, what their birthmom looked or sounded like, or how things played out, but infants can and will grieve. For 9 months they have been in a womb. They have heard their mother's voice. Felt her emotions. And now, all the sudden, she is nowhere around. Sherrie talks about how when she first was separated from her mother and brought home to her adoptive family, they couldn't get her to take a bottle. She just didn't want to eat. They couldn't find anything wrong with her, though. That's because she was grieving.

Not all infants will grieve outwardly the way she did, but they will grieve. There are some really good pointers in this chapter on understanding your child, but I'll just give you the ones that really struck me.

Initiate Conversation with your child!
Create a safe, nonjudgemental environment where your child can freely express his feelings and thoughts about his adoption and his birth family.
Talk about your child's adoption from day one.

Now for the things your child wants you to know....

Twenty Things

2010-10-26T13:42:00.003-05:00

I have been really busy educating myself about adoption. I'm taking advantage of our long expected waiting time, and trying to learn as much as I can. I know adoption is beautiful, but it also brings heartache, frustration, and anger along with it, for both us and the adoptee. So, I want to be prepared for some of the challenges we may be presented with along the way.

I've finished reading "Dear Birthmother," which was a fantastic book and gave great insight into the heart and mind of birthmothers. I have since started reading "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew," by Sherrie Eldridge. FAN-TAS-TIC! This book is completely loaded with great information! Sherrie was adopted herself, so she is able to inject her own personal experiences into the book. I am finding this book so helpful, so I thought I would share my learning experience with you, in case you want to learn along with me ;)

I'm on chapter 6 right now, so I'll have to back track a little. Let's start at the beginning....

Chapter 1: Hidden Losses
This chapter just touches on the many losses involved with adoption. So often we think of adoption as a positive, happy thing, and it is! But it is also filled with loss. Loss on the adoptive couple's part, especially if they have struggled with infertility. The birthfamily's loss, which is pretty self explanatory. And, mostly, the adoptee's loss. The adoptee has lost the single most important person in his life...the person who GAVE him life...his mother. The most natural bond in the world has been diminshed.

The book states, "To deny adoption loss is to deny the emotional reality of everyone involved." While every child will not experience loss in the same way, all adoptees must grieve. Just like Brandon and I are still grieving the loss of our biological child, our adopted child will grieve the loss of his or her birth family. It's painful to think that my child will be hurt or saddened by their story, but this is reality. The last thing I want to do is pretend it didn't happen and negate his/her emotions. Some adoptees will show their grief through anger, frustration, or depression. Others grieve silently. Some will talk. Some won't. But it is crucial to keep the lines of communication open, and to let them know that it is ok to feel...no matter what the feeling may be.

Although adoption brings a sense of loss and rejection with it, that does not mean that your child's life is doomed to be miserable. There will be times when he or she will grieve...times when they will ask questions or want to talk, and there will be times that they don't even think about it. But it is so important to be in tune to what your child is feeling so that you can be prepared to help him/her.

On to Chapter 2....

"Adopted" the movie

2010-10-26T13:20:00.002-05:00

Last weekend, while I was stuck inside sick, I took the opportunity to watch "Adopted." In short, this movie is mainly about a girl, Jen, who is an adult Korean adoptee. This movie actually brought tears to my eyes. It was a documentary of her journey to explore her past, and who she is. She was raised in a white family and a white neighborhood, and she was the only colored child in her school. She discusses all of the trials and struggles she has endured, and the effect those have had on her and her family. She admits that her adoptive parents did the best they could, because there were few resources available on interracial adoption back then. Her parents were "color blind."

Interracial adoption is a heavy topic, and I have struggled with it. I have constantly felt the need to justify myself when someone asks if we are open to all races. This movie in a way validated our reasons for choosing against interracial adoption.

I was raised to be colorblind. I was taught that we are all equal...the same...no differences. And, in a way, that's all good and well. It was my parents way of teaching us not to be racist. But when it comes to adoption, the worst thing you can do is pretend your child is the same as everyone else. They aren't! If we did adopt interracially, Brandon and I would not see the child's color. They would be our child, plain and simple. However, that child, as they grow, would have a constant reminder that they don't belong. That they were abandoned. That no one around them looks like them.

I think interracial adoption and culture acceptance is an amazing, beautiful thing. IF you are prepared for that. There is so much more to interracial adoption than some people realize.

Anyway, I thought I would share my measly 2 cents, so if you're thinking about interracial adoption (or adoption in general), or have adopted, you might want to check it out. It has some really good information.

Where to start?

2010-10-18T13:50:00.002-05:00

My mind is going in circles! It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that there is going to be a baby in my house. The other night I sat in the baby's room, and tried to imagine what it would be like to see a baby sleeping in there, and what it would be like for a baby to be crying in my house. So weird.

Problem is...I have NO clue where to start in preparing! We don't want to get WAY ahead of ourselves, but we do need to start buying things and getting the room ready, so that we'll be prepared when we do get that call. We went to Babies R Us the other night. Let me tell ya- that place can be overwhelming!! My head is spinning trying to decide what to buy first!

So, for all you mommies out there...where did you start when you were expecting?

"My Husband Rocks" Fridays

2010-10-15T09:31:00.003-05:00

Last week, we had a little extra cash. Since we haven't gotten to go on a date in a while because our wallets have been so tight, Brandon surprised me. He made me get all dressed up (in an actual dress), and he put on a tie. He took me to Mikado, a wonderful Japanese Hibachi Steakhouse. He usually doesn't care for those places, but he took me anyway. I love them! Luckily, he really liked this place better than Kobe, so we'll be going back :) I just thought it was so sweet.

Want to know more about "My Husband Rocks" Fridays??
http://honestandlasting.blogspot.com/2008/06/my-husband-rocks-friday.html

PAPER PREGNANT!

2010-10-12T13:17:00.002-05:00

Wow! I thought this post would never come! We are officially paper pregnant! That is what the agency calls it. That means we are officially approved! That's right! We are now just waiting for a baby! It's almost surreal. We've spent 10 months getting to this point, and there were times when I honestly didn't think today would come. But it did!!

While I am so incredibly excited, happy, and relieved, I am also sad. There are SO many people who have loved and supported us, and I know they will continue to do so, and those people are sharing in our excitement, which makes me even happier! Unfortunately, though, some people, including some family members, seem as though they could care less. That breaks my heart. Some just say, "ok." Some don't respond at all. And some change the subject when we talk about the baby. I think some of them haven't yet accepted that we are doing things the unconventional way. I really hope and pray they become more open to it soon. I did call my mom, and she was very excited for us.

Some family members (and other random people) have said some not-so-nice things about our journey, and that really hurts. But, what I say to those people is that whether this is the decision you would have made or not, keep your opinions to yourself. If you love us, you will support us, encourage us, and share our happiness. You don't have to agree with us. You don't even have to like our decision. But you do need to support us. That's what family is supposed to do, right? I thought so. I don't know, maybe I was raised weird.

Anyway, regardless of those who discourage us, we refuse to allow them to steal our joy! We are elated! We are going to be parents! To us, this is NOT a last resort. It is not second best. This child will be just as loved as if I were carrying them myself. So, join in our excitement if you wish. If not, well then just sit on the sidelines and watch :)

Thanks to all our friends who have been so incredibly supportive and loving! We love you SO much!

How to Write A "Dear Bithmother" Letter

2010-10-07T13:12:00.003-05:00

If you have ever been through the process of domestic adoption (within the U.S), you probably know what a "Dear Birthmother" letter is, and you know how difficult it is. If you ever plan to adopt domestically, you will one day learn how to write one. And let me tell you, it is a lot harder than it sounds. I did a lot of research while writing my letter, and I wrote and re-wrote it many many times.

A "Dear Birthmother" letter is just what it sounds like. It's a letter that you write to potential birthmoms. It goes into your family profile that the birthmoms view while choosing which family they want to parent their child. It tells them who you are and what you're about. With our agency, Brandon and I each write our own letter, trying to keep it at a page's length. Trust me, it is no easy task! I spent MONTHS (off and on) working on mine. How in the world do you sum everything about yourself up into one page? Even harder, how can I be loving and accepting of someone when I have NO idea what they are thinking or feeling??? Through my journey of writing my letter, these are some tips that I gathered and liked. I got them from different places, and some came from friends, and even a birthmother herself. So, here are my tips for writing your "Dear Birthmother" letter.

Don't immediately choose "Dear Birthmother" as your introduction. While that is the standard intro, I personally chose "Dear Expectant Parent." Why? Because for one, she isn't a birthmother until she relinquishes her rights. Right now, she is just an expectant mother trying to make a decision for her baby. Second, don't forget the father! A lot of times, the father isn't in the picture, but sometimes he is, and we don't want to exclude him. It isn't WRONG to choose the standard intro, but do it for the right reasons.
It is common in the first paragraph to ramble about how you idolize her, how thankful you are for her choice, or how you know this must be a hard decision. Do yourself a favor. Don't. No matter how hard you may try, you can never even begin to know what she is feeling or thinking. You have NO clue. So don't pretend to. It's insulting.
Don't tell her how heroic she is. She probably doesn't feel heroic.
Keep the first paragraph simple. Don't overdo it. I started by thanking her for reading my letter, let her know I was praying for her, and whatever decision she makes is ok. Even if she decides to parent.
In the following paragraphs, tell her who you are. What you're about. What are your hobbies? What do you do for fun alone and as a couple? What do you do for a living? What is your family like? What's important to you? Tell her about your childhood. Tell her what kind of parent you want to be. Pets? Other children? Tell her.
Be honest. Be you. My final letter took the shortest time to write, because I stopped overthinking and just wrote from the heart. She knows you aren't perfect so don't pretend to be.
Every birthmom is different, and they are each looking for something different. You can't possibly know what she will want, so don't try to make up an image of what she wants and pretend to be that. Just be YOU. God has a baby out there for you, and regardless of your letter, he will make sure to grab her attention! It's ok to present yourself in "your best light." She expects that. Just don't sugarcoat it.
This isn't a sales pitch. Don't pressure her, or tell her what she'll get if she gives you her baby. We want our children to come to us, but for the right reasons. I want our birthmom to choose us because she feels it is the best choice for her child, not because it's the only choice. And definitely not because she feels sorry for us!
Stay away from saying "our child," or "my child." At the time that she reads the letter, it's not your child. It's still hers.

There is no certain format that will guarantee a referral within 30 days, so to speak. Just be respectful of this woman who is faced with such a decision. Love her.

Most importantly, PRAY for your birthmom, and for each mom who reads your letter. More than likely, there will be many. Pray that they have the peace and guidance they need to make the right decision for their child. Let God handle the rest.

Feel free to ask me questions! I am no professional, I am just learning this journey for myself, and thought I would share what I am learning with you!

Profiles In!

2010-10-06T13:06:00.003-05:00

I finally turned our profiles into the agency today! That is a major sense of accomplishment! We had to make 4 profiles with our Dear Birthmother letters and pictures and information about us. This is what the birthmothers will look at when choosing a family for their child. I'll be writing a post later about writing a Dear Birthmother letter (trust me...it's harder than it sounds!).

We haven't gotten our final approval yet, but we are expecting it any day now! Well, next week actually since our social worker is out of town this week. Once we are approved, they will start showing our profiles to birthmoms!!!! WAHOOO!!!!!!!! Thought this day would never come.

Brandon and I have decided that on the day we get our official approval, we're going to celebrate. Not sure how yet, but I know that we are going to buy the baby something that day. I am SUPER excited for that day. I will probably cry like a baby :)

I'm planning to make a video later about our profiles and how we put them together, so keep an eye out if you're needing some tips! :)

No news is good news...right?

2010-10-01T08:27:00.002-05:00

I hope so, because that's pretty much what we have. Nothing. We are STILL waiting on approval from the agency. They had to request a report from Brandon's counselor, who said he was sending it out on Monday, but our social worker responded to an email of mine yesterday and said they still hadn't gotten it. In case you don't know me that well, I can't stand relying on other people to get things done. If I could, I would drive alllllll the way to the counselor's office, pick up the report, and drive allllll the way back downtown to drop it off at the agency. At least then I'd know they have it! Our SW did say that the homestudy is done and ready for review, they're just waiting on that stinkin report. So frustrating.

My husband really does rock!

2010-10-01T08:19:00.004-05:00

I know, I know. I've been a terrible blogger. But, in my defense, work has been crazy busy lately (and I kinda like it that way!), and we have been completely consumed by dealing with insurance companies since Brandon's car wreck last Friday. Most of you are on my Facebook, but if you aren't, he was t-boned on his way home from work last week. He's fine, but it sure has created a big mess! 2 wrecks in 1 year is more than enough for me! Unfortunately the other driver, who was at fault, doesn't have State Farm, and working with a different insurance company is a PAIN! Brandon was on vacation this week, and, bless his heart, he's spent the entire week fighting with insurance companies and getting things done! :( I feel so bad for him. But, in the midst of all the junk going on, he has managed to keep the house clean, do most of the cooking, AND he even went to the grocery store for me yesterday! What a man, right? I think so. :) Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have him. It's so easy to look at the faults. Not so easy to pay more attention to the positives. And there are plenty of positives!

Inspiration

2010-09-27T09:23:00.002-05:00

I found this website through my friend Alison. She has begun losing weight, and it has really inspired me. You've got to check this guy out. He lost 120 lbs in less than a year, and he documented the entire journey. It amazes me that he had the guts to video himself. Why does that amaze me? Because I know how embarrassing it is to know that others notice your obesity. Anyway, this guy is so inspiring! I want to lose weight. I want to be healthy. I want to look good. I want to have a second wedding, and be the bride I wish I was the first time around. I want to raise healthy kids, and I want to be there for them when they are grown. I don't want diabetes. Or heart disease. Or high blood pressure. But I'm scared.

How many times have I said "this is it"? And I meant it, too. I've failed time and time again, and I'm afraid to try because I'm afraid of failing. I've felt determination before. I've felt motivation. I've tried everything. Small changes. Drastic changes. Cutting out fat, cutting out sugars, calories...one at a time and all at the same time. Weight Watchers, calorie counting, just "being careful." I've tried giving myself a free day. I've done it ALL. It's never worked. What would make this time different? What must I feel to make sure that I stick with it this time?

How can you have faith in God after he let you down?

2010-09-12T13:24:00.002-05:00

I'm not really sure what made me think of this, but as I was drying my hair this morning I started thinking about why I still believe in God after all He has done "to" me.

I've been thinking a LOT lately. I have several friends who are non Christians, and God has really forced me to look in my Christian mirror. I've been asking myself, "are you really helping lead others to Christ? Are you doing what he wants you to? Or are you pushing people away?" That is a hard question to answer. Not because I don't know the answer, but because I do know the answer. I know I will never be perfect, but I also know that I have NOT been the Christian I should be. But, one thing people have asked me is how I can believe in God after he has made me go through infertility. He let me down. "Ask and you shall receive" didn't seem to work. Where was God? I pondered this this morning, and this is the best answer I can give.

1) I didn't become a Christian because of what I might get from it. I became a Christian because I love God, and I want to please Him, and I know what he did FOR me.
2)I KNOW (1000%) that God loves me, and He has a plan for me (Jeremiah 29:11)
3) Becoming a Christian does not guarantee happiness, and it definitely doesn't guarantee a perfect life. It simply means that when I go through the hard times, I have a much stronger hand holding me up.
4) I know that God uses bad situations for good. How, you ask? I'm not sure how he will use me yet, but I know that He will. The best way to help someone is to go through what they are going through. Maybe he'll use me to help someone who is struggling with infertility. Maybe he'll use me to minister to adoptees, or adoptive families, or simply to reflect the adoption that we have in him.
5) I know that God has a plan for me to be a mom. He might plan for us to have biological children later, he may not. Maybe I will be a mom through adoption. And, I don't know when I'll become a mom, or how. But I will. Just because I had a different idea of motherhood than He does, doesn't mean he left me.
6) God loves me. He took the time to create me. He knows everything about me. How can I not love that? I love God, not because he blesses me, but just because of who HE is.

I don't have it all figured out, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves me, and you. Even when it doesn't always feel like it.

Mila's Daydreams

2010-09-10T13:36:00.002-05:00

You have got to check out this blog! I think this is the cutest thing I have ever seen! These pictures of her baby girl are so incredibly creative, and she makes them out of blankets and other things she finds around the house. I love it!

Home Visit COMPLETE!

2010-08-27T08:14:00.002-05:00

I am so incredibly happy to announce that the home visit is DONE! In fact, the homestudy altogether is DONE. At least our part. What a relief! Now, we just have to wait for the call from our social worker stating that we are approved and on the list! YAY!!!

The meeting was pleasant. Carolyn is very sweet and laid back. She walked around and looked at the house, checked for fire extinguishers and smoke alarms, and then asked a ton of questions about the house, our community, and we went over our service plan (which we created at the beginning of the process) to make sure nothing had changed. She was there only an hour and a half, so less time than I thought! After she left, we celebrated with lunch at our favorite Mexican restaurant. Brandon's Nana and Pop met us there since they were coming down to see his Dad in the hospital. After lunch, we all went to visit Jeff. I'm glad to say he's doing MUCH better. They finally figured everything out, and hopefully he'll get to come home today.

Downside of the home visit: we had to pay $3,000 which we had to put on a credit card. So, we still need lots of help! We still have t-shirts on sale! Just click on the adoption bug widget on the right side of the screen! You can also make a donation to our Paypal account!

Thank you!!!

Wild Weekend

2010-08-22T15:54:00.002-05:00

I had planned to spend the entire weekend cleaning and preparing for our home visit on Thursday. But, as we all know, plans rarely go as planned. I got up bright and early Saturday morning and started ripping the house apart. I'm talking scrubbing floors, dusting ceiling fans and vents, and wiping baseboards...and much, much more. Then I got a call from Brandon. His dad had gone to the hospital on Friday (which we already knew), but it was worse than they thought. They originally thought it was just a kidney infection. But after some tests, they found out he was septic, which means he has a massive infection that has gotten into the bloodstream and has moved throughout the body. He had some injections in his back a month ago, and they think it's from that. So, I decided to go up to the hospital yesterday so Brandon's mom wouldn't have to sit there alone, and to give her a break. I ended up staying all day. Brandon came up there after work, and we went to Logan's for dinner before we came home and crashed. Needless to say, I didn't finish everything. I did get the most important things done, though. And today I haven't felt too great so I've been working on laundry and laying on the couch most of the day. I'm hoping it's just stress and nerves about the home visit. I know there's nothing to worry about, but I guess it's just hard not to stress about it. It kind of makes it all official. And, once we complete the home visit, we officially start the waiting game, which is not going to be easy for me. But, I am sure it will all work out. Please say a prayer for my father-in-law if you think about it.

Oh yeah, and I'm blogging on Brandon's Grandmother's laptop that she let him borrow (well, rather, she needed him to fix some things on it), and let me just say....I need one of these! There's nothing like blogging while laying on the couch with my blankie! :)

My Husband ROCKS!

2010-08-20T13:50:00.002-05:00

My husband rocks because he respects me. Lately, I've come to see just how truly blessed I am with Brandon. I've been having to watch some of my best friends go through some things a woman should never have to go through, including divorce, abuse, and just plain misery.

I am so incredibly thankful that God gave me a husband that truly loves and respects me. He has never once said a harsh word to me (that doesn't mean he's never hurt my feelings, but he has never raised his voice AT me), he has never put me down and made me feel less than beautiful, and he most certainly has never laid an unloving hand on me. Don't get me wrong, our actions toward each other aren't always loving, but I am one lucky girl to not have to worry about being abused or mistreated. Talk about something I take for granted!

Love Dare Day 3

2010-08-19T13:54:00.002-05:00

Love is Not Selfish

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor." -Romans 12:10

You cannot love someone if you have selfish motives. We are born selfish. It's a natural sin, because we are human. It doesn't make us bad people, but it takes a lot of effort to not be selfish in our thinking. I know it does for me. We should always put the needs and desires of the other person before our own. Ideally, if both parties are putting the other first, think about the blessings that would come!

Today's Dare:

Purchase something for your spouse out of kindness; something to let them know you were thinking of them.

Love Dare Day 2

2010-08-19T13:47:00.002-05:00

Love is Kind

"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." -Ephesians 4:32

Love is an action, not a feeling. There are 4 parts to kindness.

1.Gentleness. Speak the truth in love. Be sensitive and forgiving.

2. Helpfulness. Always put the other first, making sure their needs are met before your own. Always.

3. Willingness. Always listen. Be agreeable. "A kind husband ends thousands of prospective arguments by his willingness to listen first rather than demand his way."

4. Initiative. Always take the first step...whether it's apologizing, or doing something without being asked. Never wait on the other person to get things done or say, "I'm sorry."

Always be kind, even when there seems to be no reward. Don't do something kind in hopes of getting something in return. Do it because it's right.

Today's Dare:

Do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

Love Dare Day 1

2010-08-19T13:26:00.003-05:00

I've decided to do "The Love Dare." I started it once before, right after Fireproof came out, but didn't finish (typical of me). It's no secret that this infertility journey has not been easy on our marriage. In fact, it has put a strain on it. I hear that that is completely normal. Nonetheless, Brandon and I want our adoption/infertility/parenting/life journey to bring us closer together, not force us farther apart. That, I believe, is a choice. Marriage takes a lot of hard work and effort, and I am so incredibly blessed to have a husband that cares enough about our marriage to acknowledge the hard times, and to take the steps necessary to make a negative situation into a positive testimony. So, I'll be journaling my "Love Dare" journey on here. I'm on day 3, so I've got to catch up! Here we go.....

Day 1

Love is Patient

"Be completely humble and gentle' be patient, bearing with one another in love." -Ephesians 4:2

The title for day 1 is pretty self-explanatory. Yet so complex. And definitely something I need to work on. I have a tendency to nag. I nag if I come home and the house is a mess. I nag if Brandon waits until the last second to get ready and we're late. I nag if he takes too long to do something. Nag nag nag. Yikes! I never thought I would be the nagging type! But as they say...never say never!

"Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human."

My husband is far from perfect. Then again, so am I. So, I am honestly working on my reactions. When I feel that aggravation welling up, and I want to nag, I'll stop, take a breath, and ask myself, "is it really that big of a deal?"

Today's Dare:

"Resolve to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose to say nothing at all."

That's harder than it sounds folks!

Becoming Frugal!

2010-08-16T14:05:00.002-05:00

Brandon and I have never been that great with money. Neither of us. That's a BAD combination! Neither of us are savers. We're both spenders. But, with a baby on the way (even if it will be 2-3 years), it's time to change all of that! There are so many things that need to be done around the house, and I'm tired of wasting all of our money on eating out and random expenses. I'm tired of asking," Where did the money go?" So, here are few goals I've got for us to work toward. These are in no particular order.

1. Paying off debt, including a set of mattresses and the $3,000 we're about to rack up during our home visit.

2. Cutting out the eating out. We eat out 2+ times a week, and it's eating us alive! No pun intended.

3. Take Dave Ramsey's FPU classes online when we get the money. (Am I the only one that finds it ironic that it costs over $100 to take classes online that are supposed to help you STOP spending money?)

4. Get back into couponing! I keep getting off track because of the time it takes to do it.

5. Brandon's looking for a part time job.

6. Babysitting on evenings and weekends. Need a babysitter?

7. Create a complete budget and STICK TO IT!

8. No more buying crafting supplies unless it's budgeted :( That's a hard one.

9. Cook more. I've been making a long list of quick and easy meals that I can cook during the week. I'm also looking for recipes that I can make 2-3x of and freeze for later, or use leftovers for lunches. That's hard for me. By the time I get home, I rarely feel like cooking. So, I'm hoping that a long list of ideas that I can rotate will be helpful.

10. Emergency fund. We had one. We spent it. (Stupid, stupid, stupid.) That happened last winter when our electric bill shot up to over $300 for 3 months straight, and then I had a wreck and had to buy a new car. Bye-bye savings. It's time to meet again.

Tips? Advice? Donations? (Kidding! About the donations, anyway!)

Wedding Daze

2010-08-15T19:51:00.006-05:00

Yesterday we spent the afternoon at my sister-in-law's (Brandi) wedding. It was such an incredibly long day, and everyone was exhausted, but it was a beautiful wedding. I didn't get many pictures because the lighting wasn't very good. The bride got a case of cold feet right before the ceremony, and for about 20 minutes we weren't sure if there would be a wedding or not, and we all started thinking we were going to see one of "those" weddings! It was almost like a real sitcom! Luckily, her feet warmed back up and she was fine. Then, just before the grand exit, it started storming like crazy! We didn't get to blow bubbles, but that's ok. Oh, and we musn't forget about the fact that for about 15 minutes while the bride was dressing, they thought they forgot her veil! Minor meltdown, but they found it. What's a wedding without a few mishaps anyway, huh? We wish Brandi and Josh all the happiness in the world!

We thought Brandon was adorable holding Brandi's bouquet ;)

Speaking of wedding mishaps, that reminds me of our wedding. When I got my dress on, I must have bumped up against the furniture, and they use Old English on their furniture. I didn't know it, but FYI Old English will put a huge black stain on a wedding dress! We didn't get a pic of the huge black mark because we were in freakout mode, but this is a picture of Aunt Judy saving the day with the Tide pen! We were all singing the song from the commercials, "Na na na na...na na na na...hey hey hey, goodbye!" It was quite comical. Good times!

"My Husband ROCKS" Friday!

2010-08-13T08:52:00.002-05:00

So, I've not been very faithful with the "My Husband Rocks" posts, but I need to pick them back up. If for no other reason than to remind myself how blessed I really am. :)

It's hard to pick just 1 thing today. This week...and the past 6 months in general...have been full of ups, downs, twists, and turns. Not only with the adoption, but in married life as well. No one can prepare you for the strain that infertility can place on your marriage. But in the midst of the hard times, I am still very much aware of how wonderful he is. So, I suppose today's bragging will be focused on last night.

It rained yesterday. Now, that may not mean anything to most of you, but if you're working in Downtown Nashville, and have to take I-24 (the busiest interstate known to man I think) all the way to Smyrna, it means everything. It means it takes 3x as long to get home. And it means I arrive irritable, hungry, and tired. So as I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for 1.5 hours yesterday, I was dreading having to go home, cook, and clean up the kitchen. Oh, the burden! Much to my surprise, when I got home, Brandon had dinner ready to go! And I'm not talking about take-out or a frozen pizza, either. He cooked pork chops, macaroni and cheese (he knows its my favorite) and HOMEMADE mashed potatoes!! Ok, I'm aware that that is a carb-loaded meal without veggies, but he worked hard and I appreciated it. He even made pound cake, but it didn't come out right and we had to throw it out. Nonetheless, he worked very hard, and it made my mood so much better to walk in the door and realize I didn't have to cook!! Woohoo!

Third Time's A Charm

2010-08-10T13:20:00.002-05:00

We have FINALLY rescheduled our home visit (for the third time)! I promise, this is the LAST time! In case you forgot, we had to put the adoption on hold for a while since we had to get the A/C inspected, the roof repaired, and a few other things as well. Ahhh the responsibilities of life! But, we were able to lift the hold more quickly than we planned, so I am ecstatic about that! The home visit is scheduled for August 26 at 9:00 am! A few months ago, I cleaned the house from top to bottom, hoping we would have the home visit the end of June, so now that it's the middle of August, all my organizing is out of sorts again, so I must start all over! Ay-ay-ay!

Don't forget! We have T-shirts for sale! We have to pay $3,000 when she comes to the house, which we have to use a loan for! I'm not happy about that, but we are hoping that t-shirt sales will help pay it off quickly! I still have teddies if you want one!

www.adoptionbug.com/brandonandkelly

The Pink Loser!!

2010-08-04T13:12:00.002-05:00

I am super excited about this site! Probably more excited than I should be, but that's ok. :)

Robyn from My Pink Stamper has re-started another blog, called The Pink Loser. I wasn't a follower the first time, but I am now! It's dedicated to her weight loss, and she is great motivation! She lost 50 lbs last year! Go, Robyn! Anyway, I really enjoy her blogs, and I'm hoping for some good inspiration from this one, too, so I figured I would share!

http://thepinkloser.blogspot.com/

Comment Moderation

2010-08-03T15:58:00.002-05:00

So, I've gotten some pretty ugly comments lately, so I felt the need to say that rude and hateful comments will NOT be approved for any reason. I realize that not everyone views adoption as a good thing, and that's ok...that's why we have the freedom to believe what we want to. While some may say that "God has nothing to do with adoption," or that, "the right thing for a child is to always leave them with their natural mother" and some may even say that I am "being selfish by ripping an innocent baby out of the arms of a poor, young, helpless girl who is being coerced in to selling her baby," that is not how I view adoption. I do not think that I am saving a child, and I do not think that I am doing something heroic, either. We desire to have a child, and have chosen adoption as our route to do so.

So, the opinions that I express here are just that...my opinions. Comments are welcome, but please be grown up and respectful about it. If you're not going to be respectful, then don't bother because I won't even think about approving it.

Please and Thank You :)

(Is it just me, or is it extremely sad that I have to ask this of grown ups?)

PS22 Chorus

2010-07-30T08:55:00.003-05:00

You have got to check this out! I came across them while playing around on Youtube. This teacher, "Mr. B", started this chorus program in an inner city New York elementary school, and it is a perfect example of just how important the arts are to education. He has given these kids something to love and to pour their hearts into. He's encouraged them, and given them confidence and something to be proud of. And you can see it radiating on their faces. They LOVE it! This is what teaching is about, and that's what makes me want to work with kids. I have no doubt that we'll see some of these kids on the Billboards one day.

Check out their other videos, too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0FPZolbYns

New fundraiser!

2010-07-22T17:23:00.001-05:00

Check out our new adoption fundraiser! We're selling some adorable t-shirts through Adoption Bug! We get a great commission on each one sold, so hop on over to our site and purchase yours! And your mom's. And sister's. And your kids'. Well, you get the idea. :) Thank you in advance!

www.adoptionbug.com/brandonandkelly

Going Home

2010-07-20T11:44:00.003-05:00

Has your faith ever been tested? Like, truly tested, as in "why-do-I-need-God-when-He's-only-letting-me-down" kind of tested?

Mine has. I always thought of myself as having this unwaivering faith that could never be shaken. Not so. Infertility is one surefire way to have your faith all shaken up. Throughout the journey, I've tried to be faithful to God, but I have to admit, I get angry. I get sad. I get disappointed. And I feel like God has let me down. And I've let him know it, too. See, I believe that God is a big boy, and he can handle me being mad at him. Plus, it's not like He doesn't know what I'm feeling anyway, so why not let Him know it? I've had several moments where I've just all out screamed at Him for letting me down. And, I believe that it's ok to do that.

Lately, I've really struggled with my faith. So has Brandon. We've had so many questions, a lot of them being "why" questions. Why can't we have a baby? Why does He allow people to have babies that don't deserve them and don't even want them? What about the lady who left her 3-month-old in the car for 6 hours in 100 degree heat while she went into a bar? Or the lady whose 4 kids were taken away because they were covered in feces and living in a house with 3 dead dogs? Or the lady who just flat-out didn't feed her child, and starved him to death? When is it going to be MY turn? I would take much better care of those babies! Why is it so easy for some? Why does it seem like everyone EXCEPT me is pregnant? Why, God? WHY WHY WHY?

Needless to say, I've kind of turned my back on God. I haven't been to church in months. I haven't prayed (except when voicing my anger, or begging for a baby), and I certainly haven't been in His word. Don't get me wrong, I still love God...its just that my actions aren't showing it.

The thing that I adore about God is that sometimes he just sits, like a parent, and watches us have our temper tantrums....watches us make fools of ourselves. I can't help but to imagine him sitting there, smiling as if to say, "Are you done yet?" And then, when we are finally done kicking and screaming, he opens his arms and gives us a big hug. That's where I'm at now....falling back into His arms. And it's such a great feeling.

I've been doing a Bible study titled, "Lord, Change My Attitude." It's been a much needed kick in the pants. The entire first week focused on complaining. The main thing I realized is that complaining isn't always a verbal thing. We can complain through our attitudes and actions as well. Boy, have I been complaining! I also realized that my complaining is an insult to God. I've been telling Him that all of the blessings He's given me aren't enough....I want more. But, that's just not how God operates. So, in moving forward in the healing process, I am realizing that while it's ok to be angry, hurt, and confused, and while it's ok to talk to God about it and be honest, it's not OK to just walk out on Him. He wants me to trust Him, even when things don't make sense. I know, elementary stuff, huh?

Dear Lord,

I know that I have not been in your will lately. I have been so angry, and so caught up in what what I want, and in what I don't have, that I have forgotten all about the many blessings you have given me. Forgive me. Cleanse me. Give me a new heart, and a new faith. I am still hurting, but now I realize that I need YOUR peace and comfort to get me through. I literally can NOT do it without you. Help me to heal. Give me peace and comfort in your Word, and in your timing. I know that your plan is better than mine, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. Thank you for loving me in the midst of my anguish. I'm not done being angry or hurt yet, but I know that if I lean on you, you will walk me through, and you and I will be so much stronger than we were before. I love you.

Amen.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY!

2010-07-18T07:41:00.003-05:00

Yesterday we celebrated my sweet Daddy's 71st birthday. We gave him his first birthday party EVER! I know, we couldn't believe he had never had a birthday party! But, I guess they just didn't do those things in the 30s-40s :) Anyway, happy birthday, Daddy! I love you!

Daddy playing with the pinata goodies! This family is a tad crazy. Just a tad, though.

The weekend is gone and it isn't even here yet!

2010-07-16T13:13:00.002-05:00

That's how it always seems, doesn't it? Last weekend FLEW by, and I'm sure this one will, too.
Tomorrow, we're celebrating my sweet Daddy's 71st birthday! He has never ever had a birthday party (not ONE!), so we're throwing him a surprise one!! My Daddy is the best man that exists, and I hope he enjoys it :)

I'm hoping for some rest time Sunday. I am sure I'll find something that needs to be done, but I would love some quiet time to catch up on rest...haha.

What are your plans for the weekend?

2010-07-14T15:47:00.002-05:00

This article just came to my attention:

http://jurist.org/paperchase/2010/06/italy-high-court-rules-adoptive-couples-cannot-request-children-based-on-race-ethnicity.php

I'm just wondering what others think of this new law? Should it be up to the government to decide what race your adopted child should be? Is this a good law? Is it good for the children involved?

Personally, I disagree with the law. Brandon and I have chosen to adopt within our race, and it isn't because we're racist. We simply don't feel that we can provide the complex diverse environment that an interracial family needs. I don't feel that we can give a child of another race what they need mentally and emotionally, and the last thing I want is for my child to feel out of place. And no, I don't believe that makes me less of a Christian.

What do you think?

New Reading Material

2010-07-14T13:53:00.002-05:00

I just added 21 (yes, you read that right....21) new blogs to my reader. I am so excited to read these blogs! They are all blogs about adoption. I googled "adoption blogs" and found a list of the most popular ones. Some are by AP (Adoptive Parents), some by BP(Birthparents) and some are by adoptees themselves. Take a look at my list if you're interested in getting a full idea of adoption from all 3 sides of the spectrum.

A little of this and a little of that

2010-07-12T13:42:00.004-05:00

This is kind of a random post, but I need to get back into blogging...I've neglected it lately. Since the adoption has taken over everything, it didn't fail to take over the blog, too....and I, for the most part, don't have much news about that. So, I'm turning it back into a life/adoption blog...I know, that entire paragraph is confusing!

Anyway, if you didn't notice, I changed the web address. It is now http://www.brandonandkellysadoption.blogspot.com/. Yes, I am aware that I was just now talking about how the adoption has taken over. I wasn't exaggerating! The reason I changed it was because I have been advertising the blog, as well as our Youtube channel. I'm really not that big into sharing my entire life on the internet, but if it helps our chances of finding a birthmom, I'm all systems go. It was a safety decision to change the web address since the old one had our last name in it. The agency has instructed us to be very careful about the information we offer...last names as well as any specifics about where we live.

As far as the adoption, I'm heartbroken right now. We have made the decision to put the process on hold for 3-4 months. I know to most people that doesn't sound like much, but to me, it's a lifetime. It was a financial decision. Since we have to pay $3K when they do the home visit, we wanted to get a couple of other things paid off first. We are having to "charge" ALL of the $3K, so the less payments we have when we do it, the faster we can pay it off. I feel peaceful about the decision, but I still don't like it!

On a positive note, I had an excellent weekend. On Saturday, I went to Nashville Shores with my best friend, Jennifer. I think it's so incredibly funny how God works. It's funny to me how he brought us across one another's paths again after so many years, and we've turned out to be the best of friends. I am so blessed to have her. (Love ya, Jennifer!) We had to leave Nashville Shores early due to a storm (booo!), so we met Brandon for dinner at Cheddar's, and then we went shopping at Target! I am so excited to have someone who shares my enthusiasm for Target (and their buggies!)! Needless to say, I was out before my head hit the pillow Saturday night.

On Sunday, I met my friend, Stephanie, for coffee. Stephanie and I met at our adoption training. I am so glad to have her to talk to. Some people try to understand, and then some are just ignorant, but it is so nice to have a fellow waiting adoptive Mommy who truly understands how I feel.

What did you do over the weekend?

Eclipse

2010-07-02T14:03:00.001-05:00

It's amazing. Go see it. Asap. :)

Bringing Vacation to an End

2010-06-28T09:01:00.003-05:00

I am so sad to say our vacation has ended. :( Getting up this morning was terribly painful, considering I had to get ready for work, I had to get up at 6 am instead of sleeping til 8, AND I didn't get to wake up to the rolling waves of the ocean! Triple bummer!

Our trip was fantastic, though. Absolutely perfect. We managed to escape any signs of oil whatsoever. The water was crystal blue! Here's the play-by-play:

We left Friday around 11:30am and drove until about 9pm. Then we stopped and slept for the night. We finished the loooong journey Saturday morning.

We arrived at the resort around 11:30 am Saturday, but the room wasn't ready. That's when we decided to just grab some lunch and stretch our legs by shopping in some local souvenier shops.

After our room was ready, the bellman took our bags to our room, and we went exploring. We strolled on the beach and ran around the resort, before going to Fresh for dinner. FYI: if ever in Daytona, do NOT go there. I repeat...DO NOT GO THERE. Service was terrible! We were the only people there when we showed up, and we were there for 2 hours! Mom made sure they knew it, too. When we didn't leave a tip, the waitress actually had the courage to run after my mom and yell at her! HAHA! Don't worry...mom let her have it :) Quite a funny start, huh?

Sunday we spent the day at the beach/pool. Mom managed to spill her drink over the balcony, which just happened to land directly on a resort security guard who was on break. A few minutes later, another guard knocked on our door with a report that we were throwing drinks off the balcony.

Monday was another day at the pool. We actually managed to get into the frigid ocean water.

Tuesday was my birthday, and we spent it at Seaworld! It was amazing! I have informed Brandon that I want a killer whale, a dolphin, a beluga whale, AND a sea lion!

Wednesday we were super lazy. We didn't leave the condo til after lunch. It was nice to just wake up and lay around.

Thursday mom and dad left for home, and Brandon and I ventured to Ponce Inlet. It's a cute little town with a historical lighthouse that I bravely and patiently waited for Brandon to climb. Then we had lunch at the Marina. After lunch, we went back to the condo and took a nap...until 7pm.

Friday we spend 9 hours by the pool, which was heaven!

Now I must go begin planning next year's vacation!

My Individual Interview

2010-06-15T12:01:00.002-05:00

I had my individual interview at the agency today. I am SO glad that's over with. Actually, the interviews haven't been bad at all, and actually somewhat fun. But, still...I'm glad that part is over. All that's left now is Brandon's interview and the home visit! Woohoo!

The interview went well. Nothing exciting. She asked bunches of questions, all of them were about me. Me as a person, my habits, my hobbies, my personality, my family, my childhood, my goals, etc. It lasted over an hour.

Many people have been asking why we have had to go through all these interviews. The interviews are simply part of the process. If you ever adopt, you will do them as well. Basically, these interviews are how the social worker gets to know us. She's learning who we are and what we're about, so that when a birthmom comes along, they can tell her about us. Once the home visit is over, Carolyn (our social worker) will compile everything she's learned about us throughout the entire process and create our full profile. This is what the birthmom will see. It will tell her all about us. The finished product will be a completed (and hopefully approved) homestudy!

We've got lots going on right now. We leave for Florida this Friday! I can't wait! We're planning to drive to Orlando and go to Seaworld on my birthday! What better way to get older than to be a kid? :-) I'm excited about the penguins!

Will it ever end???

2010-06-02T16:02:00.002-05:00

The process is moving along, but oh so slowly.

We had our first "official" couple's interview today. It went very, very well. We really like our social worker. She has put our minds at ease and made the process a little more comfortable. The interview lasted 2 hours, and she asked TONS of questions. She asked us about our jobs, our marriage, parenting styles, personalities, how we deal with disagreements, our families, and lots of other things I can't even remember now.

Next, we will each have an individual interview. Mine is scheduled for 6/15 and Brandon's is scheduled for 6/28. This is not the timeline I was hoping for, as I was really hoping to get all the interviews out of the way before vacation, but it's not a huge deal. She made me feel much better about the home visit. I really don't have much else to do, so there's not a lot to worry about. What a relief! It looks like it will be the first of July before the homestudy process is done, and it may be the end of July before we have an approved homestudy and are placed on the list of waiting families. But, the process does not end there!

We have a LOT to do once the process is done. We have to begin really preparing for the baby. Although we are expecting a 3 year wait, there is no guarantee of that...it could be 2 years...it could be 4...it could be 1. We just don't know! That makes it hard. But, I would much rather be prepared and ready than to not be.

Also, once the home study is approved, we must begin the stressful act of saving up a LOT (and I mean a LOT) of money. Not only are we trying to get a good emergency fund saved up, but we also have to save up $7,000 rather quickly (we will have to have this on hand when a birthmother chooses us, because we will have to pay it when the baby comes to us), not to mention, money for traveling if the baby is in another state, and money for our adoption attorney for the finalization. MY GOODNESS! I can't even begin to think of how much we need for all of that! It's a tad bit overwhelming! So, stay tuned for more fundraiser announcements!
We also still have plenty of Teddies for sale!

We have a LONG way to go until we bring our baby home, and we appreciate all your love and support! Thank you!

Da Funk

2010-05-28T09:43:00.002-05:00

That's the mood I've been in lately...a funk. I think it's the full moon. I'm really starting to believe in that!

I was so irritable last weekend I don't think I got one thing done! Sheesh! So, I have that much more to do this weekend! I did buy the baby proofing items, but I'm hoping we won't have to actually install them. Since we'll possibly be waiting 3 years, I don't know why I need to have cabinet locks installed NOW.

I've got a fairly fun weekend planned. Well, aside from tomorrow. Nothing to do tomorrow. Sunday we are going to the Daughtry concert! I'm excited! I've loved him ever since Idol, and for Brandon's V-Day gift this year, I bought tickets. Should be a fun day. On Monday, we're cooking out at my parents' house. I'm looking forward to some family time, too.

What are your Memorial Day plans?

1,000,000 + 1

2010-05-21T14:49:00.002-05:00

That's how many things I have to do this weekend! Or so it seems.

Our social worker called yesterday. Our next couple's interview is June 2 at 10am. Excited? Nervous? I don't know yet...probably some of both.

The way it looks, I'm thinking our home visit will be right AFTER we get back from vacation. (Which STINKS!) Therefore, I have to get everything ready before we leave...which is 4 weeks from today! Not a lot of time! YIKES! So, on my list for this weekend, (in case you were so incredibly bored that you just have to know what I'm doing) is the following:

Friday night:
Go grocery shopping
Go to Lowe's and purchase a fire extinguisher
Go to Walmart

Saturday/Sunday:
Patch holes in baby's closet
Try to paint baby's closet
Hang the curtains in the living room that have been laying in the floor for months
Install outlet covers
Install cabinet locks
Work on adoption profile
Test smoke alarms and change batteries

Think I can finish all that????

1 Down, 3 To Go....

2010-05-20T10:27:00.004-05:00

So we had our 1st interview with the adoption agency yesterday. I can't thank everyone enough for your thoughts and prayers! It was very nervewracking, but went well. This wasn't one of our "official" interviews, but they requested this one to clear up some things in Brandon's psychiatric evaluation. They basically asked him a million questions about his childhood, his family, etc. (I like the way one of the social workers put it...he has a "colorful" past). Basically, they just wanted to see how those things might affect his ability to father. Luckily, they could see that he has done the complete opposite and that his childhood has given him a million more reasons for wanting to be a parent. Now, we are waiting to hear from them (hopefully today or tomorrow) to schedule our other interviews. Many have asked about the process, and what we have left to do. Some people thought by "interview" I meant with a birthmom. Unfortunately, it will be a long time before that happens.

We will have at least 3 more interviews, and then the home visit. After that, it will take 3-4 weeks for them to write up the home study. Once that is complete, we will be in the waiting "pool" of families, waiting to be chosen. According to the adoption plan we have chosen (such as race, sex, etc), we could be waiting 2-3 years for a referral. I know, yikes. But, we are as prepared for the wait as we can be. I'm trying not to focus on the wait. I'm trying to get through week-by-week and month-by-month. It will be a long, painful wait, but I know it will be completely worth it in the end.

Now, for some random thoughts for the day:

I only have 4 weeks until vacation! In approximately 697.25 hours, we will be on our way to Daytona Beach!! I cannot wait!
I am so glad that my long awaited energy burst came back at 6:15pm last night. I spent the evening moving appliances and cleaning behind them. What fun!
I am SOOOO proud of my husband! He has been wonderful about keeping the house clean. He has even had dinner ready when I got home every night this week!
I'm debating between Subway and a Chicken Caesar salad from McD's for lunch...what do you suggest?

What have you been up to? :)

P.S. Thanks to Jennifer for the title! :)

"Lord, Thank You for My Dirty Clothes..."

2010-05-11T13:45:00.003-05:00

I know it's cliche, and people always say this after a disaster, but the TN flood has changed my thinking on some things. Things that I normally complain about and put off have now become blessings. I hope it stays that way. A few of those things include:

Thank you, Lord, for clothes that need washing, because that means I have clothes.
Thank you for the dirty floors because that means I have more than a concrete slab.
Thank you, Jesus, for my well insulated house.
Thank you, God, that my car needs washing, because that means I still have a car.
Thank you that we have not one, but 2 cars!
Thank you for the house that needs de-cluttering, because that means I still have all my belongings.
Thank you for the dishes that need washing and the dishwasher that will do said washing for me.
Thank you for my full pantry.
Thank you for the stove I need to clean and the fridge that needs wiping out, because that means I didn't have to throw mine away.
Thank you for the furniture that needs dusting.

I am sure this list will continue to grow. What's on your list?

Recap catch-up

2010-05-10T09:25:00.004-05:00

I've been a slacker lately. My apologies. So, here's a little recap for you.

As far as the adoption, we've heard nothing. I am giving my best attempt at being patient. Also, due to the flooding in Nashville last weekend, the adoption agency was closed last week, which will only delay things further. Please pray that things will pick up.

Speaking of the flood, I'm assuming you've heard about the Nashville Flood? Well, unless you live out of state. Then you probably didn't hear about it because it only got 15 minutes of National news coverage. Which is funny considering this is being considered the most costly non-hurricane disaster in history. In TN, it is the biggest disaster since the Civil War. We have never had a flood like this in recorded TN history. THOUSANDS of homes were under several feet of water. People have lost literally everything. I haven't blogged about it until now because I didn't know what to say. Saturday, I had the opportunity to spend the day in the Pennington Bend neighborhood with our church helping clean out houses. I'm not sure what I was expecting to see, but it was NOT that. House after house after house being demolished. The entire streets were immersed in piles of drywall, flooring, insulation, furniture, and personal belongings. Piles that were taller than the houses themselves. Seeing it on the news is one thing. It's a completely different thing to actually see people's family photos laying in the trash pile; seeing childrens' paintings ruined; not to mention talking to the homeowners and helping them sort through their lives. There isn't a word to describe it. Please be praying for those who have been affected by the flood.

I've also been toying with the idea of going back to school...full time. Talk about an intimidating idea! I am terrified at the thought. I have talked myself out of it so many times before. Mainly because I can't afford to quit my job at all. With a new car payment, a mortgage, and a "baby on the way" quitting my job is out of the question. So, I would be working all day, doing school every evening and weekends, preparing for the baby and dealing with the adoption, AND juggling my marriage and home life. That's a little scary. So, we shall see. All I know is that I do NOT want to do this job forever. I want more out of life. And I know I'll never stop regretting it until I do it. So, say a prayer for clear guidance and an open window. Thanks. :)

Did you have a good Mother's Day? I hope so. Mine was....so so. It was great to spend time with the parentals. Saturday night we got to go out to eat with my parents, sister, bro-in-law and his family. Sunday we visited my mother-in-law. However, I couldn't help but throw a little pity party for myself. Pathetic, I know. But no one thinks about the Mommy wannabe's. It was a hard day. Here's hoping that was the last sad Mother's Day for me!

What have you been up to?

Home Study Anxiety

2010-04-21T10:56:00.002-05:00

Ok, so we haven't even been scheduled for our first interview, and the emotions and stress of the impending home study are setting in. I've heard most adoptive parents talk about the stress and emotions of the home study, but I thought, "Well, you must be really emotional then, because I'm not very stressed about it at all!"

Well, that has all changed. I have what I hope are normal feelings and concerns...

Are we ready?
Is our house "safe" enough?
Are we good enough Christians to get that approval stamp?
Do we have enough in savings? (Easy answer...no)
What if they think we're financially irresponsible?
What if Brandon's diagnosed depression affects our results?
Are we ready enough for the home visit?
What if we get delayed?
What if they say we need to work on some things first and it takes a lot longer?

...and many other thoughts. Again, I need to be reminded that God doesn't need Bethany's approval to make us parents.

"Lord, Change my Attitude"

2010-04-20T15:55:00.002-05:00

I've started this Bible study called "Lord, Change My Attitude," hence the title in case you didn't catch that. :) I must admit that I am completely terrible at reading my Bible...I am the world's worst at being "too busy," or even just not wanting to. Does that make me a bad Christian? I hope not! Anywho, I've been doing it in the evenings when I get home, and I must say, I rather enjoy that time with God. And He knows I need it! The first week talks about complaining...seems like this was the perfect fit for me.

My heart is heavy right now. I know it's probably going to be a couple years down the road before the baby actually comes home, but I am wracking my brain trying to find a way to be able to stay home. My heart's desire is to stay home with my child and take care of the home, not to go through this adoption process, bring the baby home, and then leave them for 10 hours a day while I work, only to have to come home, cook, clean up, feed baby, bathe baby, and put baby to sleep with no quality time with him/her. That thought makes my heart hurt. I am terrified we won't be able to (or that my husband won't be willing to do without his many luxuries, because he has ALWAYS had everything he wanted and is a tad spoiled). However, God has been teaching me such a valuable lesson lately...to let go and let HIM. I shouldn't worry about "what I'll eat or wear" etc. So, I'm making it a point to simply pray that He will open that door, and that He will give me peace about whatever situation we are given. That's not easy to do, by the way.

I have a feeling God has a LOT of lessons in store for me on this journey.

Another weekend has come and gone...

2010-04-19T13:14:00.002-05:00

Lately it seems like there just aren't enough hours in the day to get anything done! Well, it always seems that way, but especially here lately! The week drags by and the weekend is gone before I even know it got here! We have been insanely busy. Between the adoption, fundraising, paperwork, normal housekeeping, family, and Spring Yardwork, we just haven't stopped!

The weekend was pretty good. I had a really long to-do list, and sadly, I only accomplished a few items on said list. Why you ask? Probably has something to do with spending 7 HOURS at the salon on Saturday. Yes, you read right. 7 (as in seven...between 6 and 8) HOURS! Ridiculous, I know. You would think they gave me all new hair for that amount of time, huh? I went to the Paul Mitchell Cosmetology school in Antioch. It's actually a really nice place. The students do all the work, so that's why it took so long. The guy that did my hair (whose name was Indigo, and he dressed in women's clothing...not that it's relevant, but still interesting) did a really good job but kind of took matters into his own hands and did what he wanted with my hair...which turned out to be a good thing. I love it :) I wouldn't do it again for 7 hours, but I love it nonetheless.

So, I lost my whole Saturday, which was when I was supposed to get things done! Oh well.

We are beginning to prepare for the homestudy, and I am quickly realizing just how much we have to do! Not only does my Type A personality think my house has to be pristine and without a flaw, but we also have to get the crib and childproof the house. I originally thought babyproofing the house would be no biggie...move the chemicals to a high cabinet and install some outlet covers....HA! I got to researching it, and my word! There is SO much to do! Granted, I think some of these babyproofing gadgets are just moneymakers (and silly ones at that)...like bumper pads for the tables. I bumped my head plenty of times as a kid, and I turned out just fine! On second thought...note to self: buy bumper pad.

I am itching to get to the fun stuff already! I am ready to start painting the baby's room soon! We are hoping to at least have that started by the home visit (in roughly 2 months). Ay-ay-ay...so much to do!

Want to help bring our baby home?

2010-04-16T14:53:00.003-05:00

We still need your help to finish our homestudy fees! We still have candles for sale! We will only be selling them through April 30, so make sure to get one! They are fantastic! Click here to buy yours! (And yes, they can ship outside the US!)

We also have plenty of teddy bears who need homes! Click our "donate" button to the right to get yours for $8!

A Lesson to Remember

2010-04-16T08:42:00.002-05:00

I am NOT a patient person, especially when I have to wait on other people to do something. As is the case in waiting for Brandon's manager to complete the reference letter. I got so upset and angry yesterday because this one piece of paper is prolonging the process for us. Then, I got worried because we got our Psych evaluations back and Brandon's has some not-so-positive things on them. Not necessarily bad, but with his past troubles with family, there are some straggling issues, and I just know that they'll pick us apart on that. I am very anxious to start the interviews so that we can get on the list of waiting families. This morning, I was driving to work, listening to one of my CD's, when the song "You are God Alone" came on. I've heard this song a million times, and I love it, but it took on a whole new meaning this morning.

"You are not a God created

By human hands.

You are not a God dependent on any mortal man.

You are not a God in need of

Anything we can give

By your plan, that's just the way it is."

Lesson of the day: God doesn't need a reference letter. God doesn't need Brandon's manager's help. And, he doesn't need the adoption agency's approval. I am learning so much about faith, and learning that although there are many steps to go through to complete this adoption, God is the ultimate authority, and if this is truly His plan for us, which I believe it is, then it will happen. The hard part for me is accepting that it will happen in HIS timing, and not mine. I like mine better. :)

God, thank you for being You. Thank you for reminding me that you are the ultimate giver of life and creater of families...not an adoption agency. Please help me to keep my eyes fixed on you throughout this process. I love you.

The paperwork is in! And other things...

2010-04-13T09:34:00.006-05:00

Well, the paperwork was turned in on Friday! I thought that day would never come! It felt like a giant weight was lifted. I am anxious to get the interview/homestudy process started. At the same time, I am completely stressed and exhausted. Brandon's manager is going out of his way it seems to make things difficult for us. The agency needs a letter from him as a reference, and he refuses to do it. The process cannot move forward without that. I am getting terribly frustrated. It's also frustrating that the agency won't work with us on that...what else am I supposed to do? Please pray that his manager will have a heart for 5 minutes and do this for us. So, right now we are still waiting for all of the paperwork to come together. The agency hasn't yet received our psych evaluation (I'm frustrated with that, too, because we had that done in February!), and they'll be doing 3 more background checks. ALL of the paperwork has to be together, complete, and perfect before we can start the interviews. PLEASE pray that these things come together very quickly so that we can begin! We have worked too hard to have our process delayed because people want to drag their feet. I know, I know...God's timing. If you know me at all, you know that I am NOT good at waiting on other people. Especially when there's no excuse to procrastinate! Get it done, people!

On the upside, I had a fantabulous weekend. Yes, that's a word. I created it I think. Saturday, I went to the Southern women's Show with my best friend, Jennifer. Then we had dinner and went to see The Last Song (if you see that movie, do NOT forget your tissues!). We had a blast! It's been SO long since I had a girls' day out! I haven't laughed like that in forever! Then Sunday, Brandon and I went to the zoo with Jennifer and Abby. That was so fun! Abby is a hoot, and she kept us laughing all day! I am still exhausted from my "crazy" weekend, but it was so worth it. I needed it! I am so blessed to have Jennifer as a friend...she is always there for me. It's been a long time since I had a friend I could truly rely on, even when it's inconvenient for her. :) Love ya girl!

Work has been crazy busy lately. I have been cleaning out one of my supervisor's offices. Her office is ridiculously messy. I'm talking papers and trash from the floor up...no exaggeration. Have you ever seen the show "Hoarders: Buried Alive?" Yeah. That bad.

There's a chair under all that somewhere...

Candles for sale!

2010-04-12T08:16:00.002-05:00

I am pretty sure you're all getting sick and tired of my salesmanship (which isn't so great, by the way), but we still have a LONG way to go! We need $3,000 in the next 2-3 months! So...

We are selling these FABULOUS (and I mean fabulous!) candles through The Uncommon Garden in Hermitage! If I see you often, you can place your order through me and I can bring your candles to you. If you live far away or we don't see each other, you can place your order on our website. These candles are hand-poured, and smell great! I love them! If you order on the website, shipping charges do apply, and she will ship them to you within a day or 2 of ordering.

We'll only be doing this for a limited time (The rest of April probably), so get yours now! :) Please and thank you :P

http://www.theuncommongarden.com/BrandonandKelly.htm